


Only you

by xoxoxo333



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Depression, F/F, F/M, Family, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Grumpy Isak, Love, M/M, Sex, True Love, Trust
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2018-12-11 14:23:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 28,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11716206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoxoxo333/pseuds/xoxoxo333
Summary: Isak is a good person. He has a heart for all the beings of this earth. Except when it comes to Even. He thinks he is rich, arrogant and spoiled. Isak doesn't want to have much to do with him, except ..





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone :)
> 
> I like to think about stories and play them in my head. So now I have begun to write them down and show them to you.
> 
> Warning: My English is not so good! I hope that you can understand that, even if much is wrong.
> 
> I think so it can read by more people :)
> 
> have fun! <3

Isak didn‘t want to go to this houseparty. He wanted to lie at home and watch some series. But it was the last Saturday of the summer holidays and the whole school was here to celebrate. Even his best friends. His friends, who finally persuaded him to come along. 

They stood in the kitchen and drank cheap beer from paper cups. Isak watches the other people in the room. He enjoyed not having to speak a lot and just let his eyes wander over the room. He noticed that Jonas laughed loudly beside him and then he gave his attention back to his friends. They were talking about girls who were now in the final class. A class above them.  
  
\- "Why are all girls from the third class so hot? This is so fucking unfair!", Magnus whines.  
  
Isak twisted his eyes "Not prettier than the rest girls at school".  
  
\- "Isak you're gay. Your opinion doesn‘t count here! "  
  
Isak stared at him incredulously. "Just because I don‘t want to fuck her, I can still have an opinion about her appearance!"  
  
Jonas agrees Isak - "He's right Magnus"  
  
\- "..yeah whatever "moans Magnus.  
  
After a short, quiet moment he laughs "But we can also talk about the beautiful guys here"  
  
Isak twists his eyes and takes a big sip of beer.  
  
\- "A shame that Chris is not gay"  
  
Isak looks at Jonas confused and wrinkles pull his forehead.  
  
\- "Yes I mean, then you can often have sex and not just play all day or see any, bored series"  
  
"I would never sleep with Chris!" Isak bursts.  
  
\- "Why not?" Now Madhi also interfered and Isak finds it ridiculous that his friends make so many thoughts about his sex life.  
  
"Because I don‘t want to sleep with someone who means something to me. Chris and I have been living together for 1½ years and it is perfect. Without stress. I would not want to destroy that."  
  
\- "WOW, so sweet" Magnus grins.  
  
"Shut up"  
  
_  
  
Sometime Madhi and Isak were alone in the kitchen. Jonas and Magnus were on the balcony with Eva, Vilde and Sana.  
  
-"Did you see that Even is here?" Madhi murmurs.  
  
"Yeah ... and now?" Isak says a bit annoyed.  
  
\- "Chill Bro. What is your problem with him actually?! "  
  
Isak twists his eyes. "God, I have no problem with him. I just don‘t like him. "  
  
-"Yes, but why not? He's really cool! Vilde has said that he can draw really good .. and I mean really really good. "  
  
"Nice for him. I think he's pretty arrogant. Go around and think he's something better. "  
  
\- "You don‘t even know him"  
  
"Yes, I don‘t want that either"  
  
_  
  
When Isak went to the balcony to tell Jonas he was going home, he didn‘t find him. He was drunk, tired, and sighed as he leaned against the railing. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the pleasant wind in this warm summer night. He thought about the conversation with Madhi. True, he doesn‘t know Even exactly. But it‘s as obvious as he is. His parents are damn rich has told him Eva. No wonder he's so arrogant, Isak thought. Then Isak thought about his own family. They were not poor, but their lives changed after his father had left the family two years ago. Now his mother had to work more to care for her and Lea. Isak moved to Chris after half a year, got a job as a kitchen help in a restaurant and could take care of himself. And with that he felt really good.  
Suddenly a few guys from the third year came next to him. Yousef, William, Even and Chris.  
  
\- "Isak! I'll probably take a girl home with me tonight. Maybe two." Chris said proudly. As he stood and spoke, Isak recognized that he was probably drunk. \- "Only that you know."  
  
"It’s all right, Chris" Isak grinned.  
They talked briefly and then the guys went back to the inside. Just Even stood there, lit a cigarette and asked Isak suddenly how his last school year had gone.  
  
"Great.“ Isak said ironically.  
  
\- "Also Mine. Last year was a very good school year for me."  
  
"Your parents have to be proud of you."  
  
\- "Isak, what is your problem? Why can't you talk to me normally? "  
  
"I have no problem! I just don‘t like you as a person, so I don‘t see any reason to speak seriously to you.“ Isak wondered how he had to explain that.  
  
-"God, you don‘t even know me! That is ridiculous."  
  
"Fuck you"  
  
\- "No, someone should fuck you! Maybe you can think more clearly then "  
  
Isak noticed a small grin in Evens's face.  
  
"Shut up!" Isak said something louder and turned away from Even to walk back into the house. But Even took his wrist, pressed him to him and kissed him quickly on the mouth. Before Isak could protest, Even turned back from him.  
  
-"We could help each other. I have a lot of stress lately, and you definitely have to come down."  
  
Isak was still motionless. His mouth slightly open.  
  
-"I'm waiting for you upstairs. But not long." Even said, running away.  
  
Isak was confused. Why would he want to sleep with Even?

On the other hand, he hadn‘t had sex for weeks and Even is like a stranger to him and therefore actually an optimal candidate. He means nothing to him and that will not change after sex. With this thought, he ran back into the house and upstairs.  
__  
  
In one room the door was wide open, and he saw Even with his back turned to him. He quickly went inside and closed the door behind him. Even turned around and grinned at him.  
  
"This is a one-time thing," Isak murmured, running slowly to Even.

Even pulled him by the back of his head by the hair and kissed him passionately. Isak was surprised how well the kiss felt and leaned his body firmly on Evens, kissed him with his mouth open.  
While the greedy kisses both boys ran to the bed. Even threw Isak on the back and climbed on him. Both pulled out quickly and threw the clothes on the floor. Even Kisses Isak's neck, sucked lightly against his skin. Isak groaned, threw his head back, and pressed with his hand Even gently down until he is lying between Isak's legs.  
Even tenderly kissed the inside of his thighs, which made Isak crazy.

Suddenly, Even lay back on Isak, supported himself with his elbows on the bed not to put all his weight on Isak's chest. He kissed him briefly and then stretched two fingers to Isak's face. Isak looked at him confused.  
  
"Open your mouth," he ordered, and Isak did. Even lets his fingers go in and looks Isak full of lust deep in the eyes. - "Suck on them, make them wet."  
Isak sucked, pressed his tongue against his fingers and tried to make them as wet as possible.  
  
\- "Yeah .. perfect," groans Even in Isak's ear "... so hot"  
He pulled out his fingers and pressed his mouth against Isaks. While his fingers were on the way down. His fingers began to circling around Isak's hole. Isak snapped loudly  
"Oh my God“.

Even passionately kisses Isak's neck. "We have no Lube here, so tell me when you're ready."  
Isak pulled Even by the hair to his lips and kissed him with his mouth open and a lot of tongue. Suddenly Even pressed his two fingers deep into Isak, whereupon Isak emitted a soft scream.  
  
\- "Everything okay?"  
  
"Yes .. just keep going."  
Even began to squeeze his fingers out. At first still agonizingly slow and then faster, harder.  
"Even ... okay, please .." Isak asks. Instant even pulls his fingers out of Isak, pulls a condom out of his pants, which is lying on the ground beside him and kneels between Isak's legs. It didn‘t take long and the condom sits on Evens's dick.  
  
\- "Ready?", He glared at Isak. With an open mouth, he nods immediately.  
  
Cautiously, he pushes into Isak until his whole dick is in Isak. Now both groan and throw their heads back.  
-"Fuck, you're so tight, so hot."  
"Move"  
And Even moved. Slowly. After a few bumps always faster. Isak puts his legs around Evens's hip to push him even more. As deep as it gets.  
\- "Fuck Isak" Even leans forward and presses his lips against Isaks, while one hand strokes Isak's cock. Evens's forehead lies next to Isak on the pillow and they moan each other to their necks.  
  
"I'm .. close" Isak groans and Even let his tongue slip over Isak's lips. Takes his lower lip between his teeth and pulls easily. He sits down again, rubs Isak's cock harder, pushes his hip aggressively to Isak.  
  
\- "Come for me"  
  
After a few shocks Isak shouts loudly and closes his eyes. Shortly thereafter, then also Even and he falls with his upper body on Isak.  
Both breathe heavily, are still so excited.  
As soon as they have calmed down, Even rolls from Isak to his back.

\- "Ok that was better than expected. Fuck. "  
Isak had the same thoughts, but said nothing. But Even was right. It was fucking good sex.  
  
-"Are you sure you don‘t want to repeat it?" Even grins.  
  
"Yes," said Isak quickly, got up and put on his clothes. "That was a one-time thing. Even if it was good, we -"  
  
Even grins and interrupts him "You liked it too".  
  
Isak rolled his eyes. "It was enough for to come down," he murmurs.  
  
-"You should go," Even said seriously. Isak left the room and went home.

  \-- 

Isak was awakened by loud girl laughter. He groaned in his pillow and looked at his phone. No new messages. 

When he wakes up the next time, everything is quiet. He stays awake for a while, thinks about the last evening, and smiles. He scares as it knocks at the door.  
  
-"Isak are you awake?" Chris calls.  
  
"No," Isak recalls. He takes a sweater out of the closet, pulls it on and runs to Chris in the kitchen.  
  
Chris sits at the kitchen table and eats cereals. Isak gets a glass of water and sits down.  
  
"Do you want it?" Says Chris, pointing to his muesli.  
  
"No thanks. It's too early for me to eat. "  
  
\- "It's 1 o clock."  
  
"Yes, but I just woke up."  
  
"It's your almond milk, so you can eat it. My milk was empty" Chris winks.  
  
"Not now. Maybe later" Isak grins. ".. Does it taste good? The almond milk?"  
  
-"Yes, it tastes very good but it would be too expensive for me to buy it all the time."  
  
"No living thing had to suffer for it. But yes, I'm proud that you buy them at least sometimes. "  
  
-"So nice after you just got up? Was there anything last night? "  
  
"No!" Isak blushed. Chris laughed and ates his cereals.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> First I will apologize for this, if the English is often wrong. There are certainly many errors but I hope you can understand it anyway.
> 
> I have no idea if you like the story so far. (But I hope so!) Let me know what you think :)
> 
> So, enjoy part two! :)

Monday. First school day after the holidays.  
When Isak opens his eyes in his bed, his only thought is that he fucking hates his life.

Chris grins at him in the hallway. Isak twists his eyes "Why are you always so optimistic? I mean fuck, today is Monday"

-"I don’t know. Life is great. Why are you always so pessimistic?"

"Because life is shit. People are monsters who only make wrong decisions and destroy the world sooner or later."

\- "Puhh .. It’s too early for such a conversation. We have 7 am Isak. You have to calm down. I just hope that you see somehow that life can be beautiful beside all the shit. "  
__

Now they were in the second year. Isak was so unmotivated and listless. Immediately in the first school day, the students were informed that each of them had to make a major presentation, that they should introduce before the class.

Isak hates presentations. He feels uncomfortable when he gets so much attention and all eyes are directed at him. At least the students are allowed to choose the subject of the presentation.

And for Isak it was immediately obvious what his subject would be: veganism.

__

At noon in the canteen, the boys again discussed about girls. As if there were no other topic. Who is the most beautiful? Who has the biggest tits? Who has the best ass? Omg, so desperate.

When Isak finished eating, he leans back in his chair and discovers Even, who is just walking with William and Chris into the room. Fuck, he looks so good. 

It annoys him that he can not sleep with him again. What Isak has the least desire for, are unnecessary complications. Why can that not be easy? Simply sex. Perhaps that would work. Perhaps Even would see it also that way.

He watches Even all the time, doesn’t look away. He sees how he laughs and his eyes sparkle. Those fucking bloody blue eyes. Then, briefly, the eyes of both meet, but Even looks immediately away again.

Ok, he is not interested.

Isak is pulled out of his thoughts as Jonas pushes him slightly against the shoulder.

\- "Isak, do you listen to me at all?"

He realizes that he hasn’t heard anything at all the last few minutes. He had only concentrated on what his eyes saw.

__

After school he went straight to work. He worked in a vegan restaurant as a kitchen aid. He didn’t have any exact working days, he was allowed to come whenever he wanted it, if he announced it one day before. 

He usually worked there 5 times a month. Sometimes more, sometimes less. But so that he could afford his rent and a few other things. And it was okay. He liked it. His colleagues were nice, the payment was good and the restaurant cooked just vegan. He couldn’t imagine a better minijob.  
__

When he fell exhausted into his bed in the evening, he took his laptop on the lap and clicked through the Internet. He searched Even in the social networks but found him nowhere. When he realizes how ridiculous this is, he folded his laptop, lay him beside him on the floor and tried to fall asleep. Which also succeeded him quickly.

__

Tuesday morning and Isak had slept off. A good feeling when you go to sleep early, he thought. Unfortunately, it was very rare. He usually had sleepless nights, turned around endlessly and stared at the ceiling until his eyes finally closed. 

But today he’s fit. So fit that he takes a earlier bus to create a bit of order in his locker in school. In this school year, he had to make more effort than last year. And a tidy locker is a good start for it.

In a small break between school hours, Isak is sitting with Jonas on a bench in the school's yard. They are talking about a new series that is now available on Netflix. Isak gives his full attention to Jonas, until he sees Even in his corner of his eye. This time he is alone. He is leaning against the wall, one leg angled.

\- "Isak!”

"Mhh"

-"Dude, what's the matter with you and Even?"

Now Isak is listening to Jonas again. "What? How? ... What do you mean?”

\- "You're always staring at him and you're totally absent"

Isak is surprised. He hadn’t thought it was so obvious. But Jonas is his best friend, he has known him for so long. Sure, if Isak is just a bit different than usual, he will notice it.

"Listen Jonas ... actually I wanted nobody to know, but fuck it ... But you will not tell someone, do you hear me? especially not Magnus!"

"Isak have I ever betrayed anything to anyone??”

"I slept with Even at the last party"

-"... you slept with Even?"

Isak nods.

\- "But ... you hate Even !?"

"Yes I do! But he talked to me that night and I was annoyed and -"

Jonas is visibly shocked. 

-"And then you had sex with him??"

"He said he's been stressed lately ... and I've been extremely tense since the last few months, so I thought why not? And fucking I admit enjoying it! Finally I managed to relax."

\- "So … Now do you do this regularly in the future?"

"When we finished, Even asked me the same, but I didn’t want to show him that I was so desperate ... so I gave him only a rude response and left him. But now I think it would be practical to do that regularly … I mean we hate each other, so there would be no complications."

\- "I don’t think this is a good idea."

Isak laughs.  
"Now, Once I do think optimistically and you pull me down?"

\- "In such an important event, I should actually support you", Jonas grins.

"I'm trying to get his attention somehow." He looks at Even, who had already turned his eyes to Isak. Isak opens his mouth and licks with his tongue over the corner of his mouth.

\- "Serious Isak? God, I'm waiting for you inside." Jonas turns his back to him and runs back to the building.

 

When Isak's phone vibrates, he takes it out of his pocket and looks at a message from his mother:

\- Hey sweetheart. How are you? I haven’t seen you for a long time! When are you coming visit us? Lea would also be happy :) -

Isak doesn’t want his mother to worry about him. She has enough problems. Her depression (which, thank God, she has managed with specific medications), take care of Lea and earn enough money that they both can live well. Isak will not be another burden.

\- Hey Mama. Don’t worry, I'm fine :) I’m coming soon. Now I don’t know when exactly, but I’m coming! Miss you two. "-

 

When he looks up from his phone, he looks into big, blue eyes that stare at him. Even stands right in front of him. From nearer still more beautiful.

"Hi, everything alright?"

-"What would you do with your tongue? Would you seriously make me horny here at school?"

"Did it work?"

-"What do you want Isak?" Even was serious.

"I've thought about your offer again ... To repeat it again“

Even raises his eyebrows.  
-"You want me to fuck you again? The ruthless, rich -" 

"Yes, you're right, I better think it over again," Isak interrupts him and laughs. "No, but I thought it would be practical ... I mean for both of us. To the advantage for us, without complications"

\- "Without complications?"

Isak nods.  
  
\- "One thing you have to promise me"

Isak frowns. "And what?"

\- "You must not fall in love with me"

"Seriously Even? Don’t worry that will not happen"

\- "Promised?"

"Promised"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment with your thoughts! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! :)
> 
> This chapter appears sooner than I thought. Actually, the chapters should always come at the weekend, but this one did it earlier. :)
> 
> Sorry for language errors!
> 
> So, Enjoy! <3 Hope you like it!!
> 
> Please comment with your thoughts :)

The first school week passed by surprisingly fast. Isak saw Even every day. Sometimes in the hallway, sometimes in the schoolyard. When their eyes met, Even winked at him or raised his eyebrows.

On Thursday Isak overslept. And fuck his first subject was math. This was his worst subject, which means that he couldn’t miss this hour. Chris and Isak's apartment was not far from the school. Normally, he always took the bus, but he had missed it, so he walked. Or better ran.  
  
Just arrived at school, he looked at his phone to check the time. The schoolyard was already empty. He still had 2 minutes to the classroom to be punctual. When he reached the final stage, he almost ran into someone. As he looked up, he saw it was Even.

\- "Wooh slowly, little one."

Isak rolled his eyes. "Get out of the way, I'm late!!"

-"Always so grumpy. That turns me on, Isak. But leave something for the bedroom "  
While Even says something else, Isak is already past him and finally in the classroom. There is no teacher yet. Fuck that was close.  
__

"God I just understand zero in this fucking subject"

Jonas rolled his eyes. "Now eat first Isak." 

Madhi raises his eyebrows. - "It’s the first school week man. Calm down."

\- "Yeah, you'll manage math" Jonas nods to him.

"Why is math a compulsory subject at all? I will never need it in my future "

Magnus is confused. -"I don’t understand why you are so bad in this subject. I mean, you're the best in all science subjects, and that has to do with math too. "

"There it's a different math. A logical one. "

\- "Whatever. Just learn enough, then you'll be fine. "

Magnus laughs. -"Yeah Isak, ever thought of learning more?"

"Shut up"

But Jonas and Magnus were right. Isak was lazy. Until now he never had much to learn. Sure, he had only average marks but at least no bad ones. But if he would learn, perhaps he would get good ... if not very good grades.

-"Isak ... Isak?"

"Yes, what?"

\- "Your phone flashes all the time. I think someone wants to reach you urgently"

Isak took his phone off the table and read about Evens message.

**UNKNOWN**

Unknown: So ... how is our " thing " going?  
Isak: Even?  
Unknown: :)  
Isak: Where did you get my number??  
Even: Chris gave it to me

 

Isak frowned. Suddenly Magnus moves closer to Isak with his chair.

\- "Is it Chris? Is there something between you two now?"

"Not in a hundred years and can you please go back to your place??"

Jonas and Magnus both laughed and Isak devoted himself to his phone and Even.

**EVEN**

Isak: Saturday evening at my place 

Isak just wants to put away his mobile phone when even a new message from Even on his display flashes.

Even: Sure  
\--

Friday evening. After work Isak took the remains of the food which was too much cooked. (He was very grateful that the cooks at that restaurant often cooked too much, so Isak didn’t have to cook anymore and it was vegan, so it was perfect)  
He was warming the food in the microwave as Chris‘ head appears at the kitchen door.

-“Tonight a girl comes to us, I mean to me. And ... this is really important.”

He spoke about Sara.

“You're pretty dumb when you think this girl likes you. She makes out with so many at school.”

Chris smiles. -"Thank you.”

“Why are you thanking me? I just insulted you.”

-“All I heard was “you’re pretty” I’m focusing on the positives of life. I told you that a few days ago.”

“God Chris. Okay I’ll be in my room, making no noise and pretending that I don’t exist.”

-“Thanks, you’re the best!”

Chris walks away.

“Fucking unbelievable”, Isak murmured to himself.  
__

Saturday noon.  
  
**EVEN**

Isak: Come around at 5  
Even: So early?  
Isak: Yes, I have other things to do. I can take max. of 1-2 hours  
Even: Yes I think that should be enough ;)  
Is Chris also there?  
Isak: Of course not!  
Even: Alright

__

Even arrives at Isak exactly at 5.

\- "Hey blondie"

Isak rolled his eyes.

"Come in. Back in the hall on the left"

After both have arrived in the room, Isak closes the door behind him and locked it. Even pulls his eyebrows up.

"To be on the safe side.” Isak said quietly. 

\- "Cool room. Just … a bit empty"

"Stop talking and take off your clothes"

When Even slowly frees himself from his clothes, Isak observes him. Then he pulls himself out quickly and walks to Even. He hopes he doesn’t look too desperate.

It doesn’t take long until Isak is lying with his back on his bed, Even above him. They kiss eachother hectic, but passionately and Isak threads his fingers through Even's messy hair, pulls it easily. Even is moaning. His kisses become deeper. Along Isaks neck and chest until he lies between Isaks legs. Even kisses his inner thighs. Sucks on his soft skin, which makes Isak tremble.  
Isak cannot wait, he is too impatient. “Even, can you–“  
  
Suddenly Even kisses his hole, licking around Isaks entrance. Isak groans loudly and claws his fingers into his sheets. Cautiously, Even pushes two fingers into Isak and moves them until Isak cannot stand for a second longer and drops his head backwards. “Fuck!”  
Even grasps for a condom which is on the bed, opens it with his teeth and puts it over his stiff dick. Slowly he pushes himself into Isak. Both groan loudly. And Isak knows, there can be no better feeling.  
Even ramming is dick again and again and Isak is lost. He tries to absorb all the sensations. An explosion in his head ... in his body ... .  
With a loud cry, Isak comes and meets Even with his hips, as a whole orgasm shakes him. He looks into Evens eyes with open mouth and know that Even is close too.  
And after a short moment Even cries loudly as his orgasm lets him burst.

They lying side by side on their backs. Completely exhausted.

-“It's hot when you're so greedy. So impatient.”

Isak doesn’t answer, he’s still hard to breathe.

-“Do you like music?” Even asked and Isak immediately frowns.

“Do you like breathing?“

-“Funny. I mean, what do you love about music?”

“To begin with ... everything?”

God, who does NOT like music? This guy is so strange.

“You have to go now. I visit my mother”

-“And your dad?”

“Not of your business.”  
__

-“Lea is soon there.” 

Isak only recognizes a faint smile in the face of his mother.

“What's up?”

-“It’s fine. Sometimes just complicated. She is a bit … difficult at the moment.”

“What do you mean?”

-„ Recently the police often came by and w —„

„What? Why??”

-“Often because of thefts. But also because she fought with other girls ...“

„What the fuck. Why? Why is she doing this? She was never so –“

-„She is older now Isak“ , his mother interrupts.

The words gave Isak a stab in his heart. He knew what his mother was thinking but didn’t want to say. Why did you move out so early? Why are you almost never here? Why didn’t you take care of your sister?  
His thoughts stopped when the apartment door made loud noises. Isak knew Lea was here.  
He looked at his mother. "I'm talking to her" and he went to Lea's room.  
\--

Lea was only 15 years, but she looked like 18. She was beautiful, even without the many make up on her face. Actually even more beautiful without any make up thinks Isak.

„Hey Lea“

-„Hey .. Isak right?”, Lea laughs. But it isn’t a happy laugh.

“Lea we need to talk … Is it really true that in the last few months almost every week the police was here?”

-“You know, It’s pretty sad when you realise you’re actually surviving and not exactly living your life”

“That doesn’t mean you have to fear mama with your shit actions”

-“I know I’m a horrible daughter. I’m not the clever one. I’m the talentless one. I’m–“

“Stop saying this shit Lea. Don’t be so hard on yourself!!”

-“Oh fuck off Isak! You're never here! And now you don’t have to come and think you can teach me lessons! I have been treated for years as dirty and then you ask why my smile is gone!?”

“You're right and I'm sorry I just hope that .. it gets better”

-“I’ve been sad for years. Don’t tell me it gets better.”

“But this isn’t mama's fault. Or mine. And you know that. It’s about papa. With your actions you want to get his attention. But no matter what you do, he will not give you any. You could kill someone, he will not come back.”

In Leas eyes are gathering tears.

“I’m sorry Lea … that I’m not often with you. I can only hope that you forgive me. Sometime.”

After these words he turned around and walked out of the house.

**EVEN**  
Isak: Can you pick me up?  
Even: Send the address and I will come.

 

As Evens car drives around the corner, Isak sighs. He has no idea of cars, but he is sure that one must be a damn expensive one.   
"Fucking rich kid" he murmurs.  
As the car stops in the street in front of Isak, he jumps immediately into it.

__

__

__

__

"Hey, just you know, I would have written Jonas or Chris, but I know they're on a party so ... don’t think this is about anything."

Evens mouth opens in shock but then smiles. - "You're lucky that you're in bed so fucking hot and sweet"

Even trys to reach Isak's eyes but he doesn’t succeed, because Isak has closed his eyes. Isak doesn’t say anything, so Even breaks the silence.

\- “Where are we going?"

"No matter, main thing away from here"

Even starts the car and turns the music louder.

“Why do you make the music so loud now?”

-“Something inside is hurting you. That’s why you need the music turned so loud so you can’t think”

Isak looks briefly at Even, but turns his eyes to the window and observes everything they pass. They just drive through the city. Through a sea of neon lights.

“You don’t ask.” Isak said.

-“Should I?”

“No.”

Even drives on a small mountain, close to the end of the city. They get out of the car one by one and sit on the grass at the edge. Here you can see the whole city. From here everything looks so small. Small, quiet and peaceful.

“My family sometimes fucks me up.” Isak mumbles.

-“Welcome to the club.”

They look at each other and smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :) <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there!
> 
> hope you like this Chapter!! :)

On Sunday, Isak spent most of his time by learning. This school year should be a good one, he will be hardworking. He thought that if he did his best, no school subject would be a problem for him. Except for math ... Here he doesn’t understand anything. He understands the basics, but he doesn’t progress. He cannot understand the other complex contexts. He thinks about how to proceed, because it’s not worth the time to simply stares about the math problems.

Fuck it. Then he just remains bad in math. He can accept one bad note.

Isak hadn’t noticed that he had been sitting at his desk for several hours until he heard his stomach makes noises. He sorted his notes, stacked his books, and went to the kitchen to look for something edible. He didn’t have a great desire to cook something elaborate, so he simply pushed frozen pizza into the oven. Thank goodness, the number of vegans is increasing, so there are more and more vegan ready meals.  
During waiting for his pizza, he scrolls on his phone through facebook, then through youtube, just to pass time. He saw a new image on Jonas instagram, on which Eva sat on a swing and grinned broadly. The caption was "for ever young". Isak smiled at the display and frightened as suddenly the alarm clock rang. His food was ready.

He took a fork, pulled the pizza from the baking sheet on a large plate and walked into the living room. Chris lay with his two legs stretched out on the sofa, his laptop on his lap. Isak sat at the other end of the couch, stretched out his feet and put his food on his thighs. Chris smiled at him and closed his laptop.  
\- "I have invited a few people for Friday"

"Seriously Chris?" Isak is visibly annoyed and Chris frowns.

-"What’s the problem?"

"Wouldn’t you have been able to ask me before you plan a sex orgy?"

\- "God, no! There are no girls! Although that would be an idea ... "

Isak rolls his eyes and realizes that Chris is actually thinking.  
"Chris!"

-"I'm just kidding! Haha. No, there are only William, Even and Yousef. Just to drink beer, talk and relax."

Isak had forgotten that Even was one of Chris's closest friends. That since he can think it was always William, Chris, Even and Yousef. Although ... first it was only William, Chris and Yousef, and Even came at the beginning of their second school year. As much as Isak knows, Even changed from Bakka ... but he still doesn’t know why. Bakka was for students with well-off parents, so Even would fit perfectly. So why should he then switch to a school that had less level? And in the middle of high school? He had never really thought about it. Isak shakes his head slightly, thinking that it’s ridiculous to waste so many thoughts on Evens life story.

-"Isak, are you okay?"

Isak saw at Chris's forehead small folds.  
"Yes of course! Uhm ... yes, the next time you should ask me when you are planning a party. Even if it's not a real one ... Uh, you know what I mean. "

Chris nods as he smiles broadly.  
"Why do you actually meet here? You are always at Williams ... or Evens"

-"Yeah in the last few months, we've always been at Evens, but his parents, or rather his father is fucking annoying. He wants Even more to focus on his future and not... "

"What?" Isak is confused.

-"I don’t know what he exactly wants, but he annoys Even. As if he would forbids him to have fun"

Isak is not the only one with a shit father. "Well, whatever. I live here too so- "

\- "Yes Isak, I got it now!"

Isak glanced at him. "And you will take care of all the clean up. I have to study"

\- "Isak we are 4 people!? There will not be much to clean up. But alright, I'll take care of everything, don’t worry, okay?"

Isak nods.

\- "You okay?"

"I'm okay."  
-  
When Isak is in the evening lying on his bed and watching a boring movie, his mobile phone vibrates next to him. He takes it tired in his hand and sees Even's name flashing.

 

 **EVEN**  
Even: So on Friday evening I'll be with the guys at yours ;)  
Isak: If I had a right to speak, I would have prevented it.  
Even: I don’t believe you  
Isak: Why?  
Even: Because you like to have me around you. Because your legs are shaking as soon as I'm near you.  
Isak: Bye Even  
Even: Bye blondie  
Isak: Shut up!  
Even: As soon as I have your penis in my mouth ;)

Isak didn’t answer. He stared at the last words and closed his eyes and sighed quiet. After a short while, he noticed that the movie was still playing on his laptop. He couldn’t concentrate anymore because his pants were tight now. Too tight, too uncomfortable. He shuts his laptop down and puts it beside him. God why can few words have such an effect? He felt uncomfortable, because he didn’t want to give Even so much power over himself. He tried to deal with other thoughts. No, the same thoughts just with other people, he corrected himself.

He took his laptop on his lap, opened it again and searched for porn. He opened a few of them and let his hand drift down to his dick, but he couldn’t concentrate on the moving images on the screen, because he thought only of Even. God no, he didn’t want that. He tried to shake his thoughts and moved his hand faster, harder. But it was hopeless. Simply impossible. Fuck it .. He lets his thoughts free and locked his eyes. He thought about Evens blue eyes on him, his messy hair, his lips around his dick. A few moments later, his cock continued to fill out in his hand.  
-  
On Monday when Isak went to his biology class, Sana was already on her seat. Isak likes Sana because she always says what she thinks. Many people can’t do this and then there are misunderstandings, conflicts and finally hatred. With Sana it’s uncomplicated.  
Isak raised his chin and shouted at her. "Hey Sana"

She gave him a short, silent answer. -"Hi"  
When Isak leaned his bag against the table and dropped onto the chair, he discovered that Sana frantically leafed through the bio book. Isak frowned. "What's up?"

-"On the way to the classroom I’ve seen Mr. Nilsen. He said we're writing a test today. A surprise test." Sana was serious.

"Really? Shortly after the holidays? What an asshole … " Isak looked at the book side, which Sana had opened and remembered that he had learned the entire chapter the day before and was thus perfectly prepared. He was always good at biology (if not very good), but the test now would have to be a gift for him. A good start to the new school year.

…

The test was successful Isak thinks. He wrote all the answers without a lot of thinking about it and he was certainly not mistaken. When he finished, he watched Sana staring desperately at her test.. He knows she's usually the best. Even better than himself. She would later become a surgeon. Isak is sure that she will be the best.  
-  
After his last lesson, Isak decided to learn in the school library. There was much more space here than on his desk, so he could spread his books wide. Although there were still no class work dates so far, but Isak wanted to try to work through the school stuff every day, that he is always prepared and up to date.

When he was throwing his case on the table, he saw Even. He sat on the other side of the room, looking at a large block. Isak is sure that it’s a sketchbook. Even was totally fixed on it. And even if Even was not close, Isak saw his eyes glittering brightly on the paper in front of him. He was so focused. To Isak's luck, because he shouldn’t notice Isak, otherwise Isak couldn’t concentrate anymore. God if he knew that Isak would be so weak by Evens eyes. But he doesn’t know. And will not know. Isak was briefly ashamed for his strong attraction to Even until someone sits next to him on the chair. Eva.

\- "Hey whats up? You are in the library?"

"This year should be a better one" Isak mumbles quietly.

Eva nods -"I understand"

"And what are you doing here?"  
Eva laughs. "Isak I’m often here to learn my stuff. Since the first year"

"Eva Mohn, always diligent" Isak winks at her.

Eva giggles and grabs her schoolbooks on the table next to him.

"So ... how is it with you and Jonas?"

\- "It's going well ... really good actually"

Isak smiles directly into her eyes. "I'm glad for you both ... for real"

Eva pushes his shoulder lightly - "Be quiet Isak Valtersen" Isak laughs a bit louder.

After both of them concentrate again on their schoolbooks, Isak clears his throat after a few minutes. "What else do you know about Even?"

-"What do you think?"

"You told me he was very rich"

-"Oh, yes, he is. I mean his parents. So yes ... actually he too"

"... and?"

-"I don’t know anything else. Only what I can see. And … he's damn hot"

Isak blushes and tries to lower his gaze a little so Eva doesn’t notice.

-"Even if you don’t like him, you have to admit that he looks really good"

"He looks okay I guess"

Eva sighs. -"I'm really curious how your great love will look"

Isak rolled his eyes. "God Eva"

-"What?" She laughs.

"Not everyone finds in his life 'the great love' "

-"Yeah but I’m sure you will. And somehow I feel you'll find them soon."

"Dreamy Eva Mohn"

-"Hey! Sometimes dreams will be true!" She smiles and Isak snorts and pulls up his eyebrows.

Before returning to his books, he briefly looks at Evens. He's still sitting there. When he asks Eva for what she has to learn, he sees her looking at Even.  
Then she says quietly - "I wonder what he draws."  
-  
On Friday night after work when Isak opened the apartment door, he heard loud voices coming from the living room. The guys are already here, so Even too. Isak puts his shoes next to the door and ran quickly towards the living room. Too fast he thinks.

\- "Isak! Come sit down with us " Chris is in a good mood as always. 

Also from the other guys came requests to stay, except from Even. His gaze is serious, exactly hits Isak's eyes. And immediately he feels like his legs become a bit wobbly. God when he could only be with Even now ... no. Not if a wall farther all sit here.

"Uh I'm pretty exhausted from school, work and ... yeah. But another time " He smiles briefly, turns around and walks into his room.  
As he closed the door behind him, he leaned against the door with his back and head and closed his eyes for a moment. When he could think again, he realized how someone wants to open his door. Automatically he took a step forward so that the door can open completely. It's Even. 

"What are you doing here?? You cannot come here when your friends chill in the room next door!"

\- "Calm down. I told them I'm going to the bathroom to talk to my dad"

"What!? And they will believe you?"

\- "When it comes to my father, yes" Even seems serious.

"So?.."

-"So you think I didn’t notice the last week you watched me in the library?"

"What?? No I didn’t!"

Even smiles at him and suddenly takes Isak's face with his hands to guide his lips to his own. Without being able to control it, Isak shouts a low cry. He presses his lips against Evens, opens his mouth more and more, lets his tongue slide further into Evens mouth.

They kiss so passionately that Isak almost forgot to breathe. He withdraws himself from Even to gasps and looks deeply in his eyes, his mouth slightly open. Even takes his wrist, throws Isak with his back against the wall and kisses his neck while his hand is buried in Isak's hair.

\- "We don’t have much time," Even says quietly as he pulls out Isaks pants and shorts and immediately afterwards kneels on the ground. Directly in front of Isak. God what a sight. Even puts a hand tenderly on Isak's hip, the other slightly firmer on his ass.  
Isak throws his head back. "Fuck ..." Isak holds his fingers tightly in Evens's hair not to lose his balance.

\- "You taste so good" Even moans quietly. Isak pushes Even with his hand closer and when Even doesn’t protest, Isak groans loudly.

Even lets his tongue slide over Isak's hard penis, kisses him and takes him completely into his mouth. He is pressed by Isak tighter and tighter between his legs.

When Isak comes in Evens's mouth he leans his head against the wall behind him and groans loudly. His hand still rests in Evens's hair, which now looks very chaotic. Even licks his penis clean and places a kiss on the tip before he gets up and presses another, longer, more passionate kiss on Isak's lips. Isak can taste himself, which doesn’t matter to him at the moment. His heart is still beating so fast, he is still so excited. When Even turns away from him, Isak immediately pulls him back to kiss him again.

\- "Isak .. I have to go back to the guys."

Isak sighs and finally nods.

Before Even opens the door, he leans back to Isak to slip his tongue over Isaks lips and then into his mouth. And then he's gone. Isak feels weak, empty, abandoned. Suddenly he feels bad, because he couldn’t give Even anything back. They had not enough time. But fuck, what Even did … as he did it ... it was perfect. He still had a guilty conscience because he didn’t do anything for Even and this thing between them should be a good thing for both of them.  
When he pulled out his phone from his pants, which was lying on the ground, he opened Evens message window.

 

 **EVEN**  
Isak: Next time it's my turn  
Even: Believe me, I liked to see you so desperately  
Isak: Shut up  
Even: Next time you will ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know in the comments what you think ♥


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey beautiful people out there! :)
> 
> Actually I just wanted to write from Isak's view, but that's a chapter of Evens perspective.  
> I don't know how many chapters it will give from Evens view. Will there be one again? 
> 
> I don't know if I'm satisfied with this here but here we go!
> 
> Have fun <3

EVEN

 

On Monday morning, Even was torn out of his sleep from his alarm clock on time. He groaned and rubbed his eyes. God he was so tired. He vowed not to sleep so late this evening, but was sure that he wouldn’t keep his promise. The same thing every day …

He went to his bathroom, took a quick shower, and dressed himself. When he was looking for his schoolbag, there was a knock at the door.

"You can come in Mama"

He knew that it was his mother, because his father rarely came to his room. And if he did, he wouldn’t knock.

-"Good morning sweetheart. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes but too short", Even sighs as his mother smiles at him.

\- "Are you having breakfast with us before you go to school?"

"I’m not hungry" That wasn’t a lie.

\- "Your father is going on a business trip for a couple of days and would like to talk to you before and ... you should always eat a small thing in the morning, Even."

"Give me 5 minutes"

God Even don’t want to talk to his father. It's not that he hates him, just ... he always tries to control and direct him. His parents are the managers of a large company that develops construction machines. Especially Evens father wanted therefore that Even has a planned and successful life. Unfortunately, Even wasn’t interested in it and that’s why often resulted conflicts. Often he also gave in because he had no desire and no energy always to deal with his father.

When Even sat in the dining room at the too large table, he took pancakes and a few fruits on his plate. His father sat opposite him with a laptop in front of him. As always.

-"Ready for school?" Evens's father didn’t look at him, his eyes focused on the screen.

"Always"

-"Listen, I've found an internship place for you. After you graduate, you can work there for 3 months before you go to the university"

"Dad I-"

\- "Even that's really important. Not many have the opportunity to do an internship in such an important company."

"I know dad but I still don’t know exactly what I want to study"

\- "How … you don’t know exactly?" His father now looks up from his laptop to Even.

"I want to apply at different universities. Also at … some art universities" He knows what his father thinks about art. It was a waste of time.

\- "God Even, art is not for people like us. You’ll understand that later. You will study international management."

Even stares at his father and says nothing. No one will dictate his life to him. Not even his father.

"Well, I’m an adult and can decide for myself what I will do"

-"Even, I ask you to take things more seriously. This isn’t a game we play here! This is your future!"

Even looks at his plate before he looks at his mother. "Can I go? I’m late"  
When she nods at him, he gets up and walks to his car.  
-  
When he arrives at the school, he is still sitting for a few minutes in his car. He was too upset to go to class immediately. So he was almost after every conversation with his father, it robbed him of his energy.

God he had often explained to him that he didn’t want to take over his parents' business, but his father didn’t accept a ‘no’. Even was an single child, so he could often understand his father. Only Even would be able to continue the family business because they only have Even. That’s why Even has to be perfect in everything he does, because the demands of his father are very high.

He often feels bad when he thinks he has a hard time in life. It could indeed be worse. Even has everything and gets everything he wants. And that since his birth. Okay, he is bipolar and his father is an asshole but what the heck! Everyone has fucking problems!

With these thoughts he ran to his first lesson. History.  
Then he had a free-time and could finally turn off his head. How gladly would he have Isak with him now, between his legs. Oh god, he needs him now. He quickly took his phone out of the backpack and types on the small screen.

 

 **ISAK :)**  
Even: Come to the toilets on the ground floor.  
Isak: I have lessons?!  
Even: Don’t care. See you soon! And hurry up please ;)

 

Even is unsure whether Isak would actually come. It was stupid to get him out of his class. He regretted his messages and wrote that they could meet later. He just wants to press on the send button when he heard the door open. His heart beat faster. He opened the door of his cabin and looked directly into Isak's green eyes.

\- "Really? Here at school?"

"Had a stressful morning. And .. haven’t we started this for this reason? To forget the stress for a time?" Even winked at him.

\- "Yes, but here in school ... I don’t know"  
Even recognizes that Isak cheeks turn red. He stretches his hand and gently strokes the hot skin.

"You're so fucking cute when you get embarrassed about this and your face blushs"

\- "You're a fucking asshole, you know that right?" Isak complains.

Even raises his eyebrows. "Stop complaining, you don’t have time for this. Little memory you have classes at the moment"

During these last words, Isak knelt on the cold ground between Even's legs. With a swing he pulled Evens jeans and boxers up to his knees and began to kiss him between his thighs. Even gasped for air. Isak had never been between his legs before, and he looked damn perfect.

Even strokes gently through Isak's hair as he slowly takes his cock into his mouth. "Isak … fuck" groanes Even. God it felt so good. So damn good. Isak looks up at him, right in his eyes, and Even can not imagine a more beautiful view. He strokes his Isak's cheek with his fingertips, then his eyebrows. Isak takes him deeper and deeper into the mouth, plays with his tongue around the hard cock. Evens mouth is open all the time, completely dry now.

"Isak I come .. if you don’t want me to come in your mouth then .. fuck!"  
Isak hasn’t changed his position, stays between his legs, cock still tightly wrapped with his lips and lets Even come into his mouth.  
God, he is so beautiful.  
-

After school Evens walking out of school with Yousef. In the schoolyard he sees Isak sitting with Jonas on a bench. Even smiles, even if Isak doesn’t see him. While Yousef is still excited about the last school hour, Even interrupts him.

"I have a thing with Isak"

\- "What?"

"Didn’t you understand m-?" said Even as Yousef already interrupts him.

\- "You have a thing with Isak? Chris roommate?"

Even nods.

\- "So a datet hing or-"

"A sex thing."

-"What!? So you guys just meet … for sex?"

Even nods and laughs a bit because Yousef looks so shocked. "You've got to see your face now"

\- "Yeah I mean, where does that come from? Doesn’t the man hate you?"

"Yeah kind of. But I don’t care. It's just sex so .. "

\- "Okay, but let me tell you. When someone is hating you, it's not about you at all. It's their fear, their jealously, their boredom and their insecurity"

"Yeah whatever"

\- "I mean .. you are sleeping with him and-"

"You have to promise me not to tell anyone" interrupts Even. "This is a thing between me and Isak. No one should know about it. I just wanted to .. tell you. You're my best friend, you should know it."

Yousef smiles at him and pushes his shoulder slightly. - "Bro I will not tell anyone. Promised."  
-

At a party on Friday Even sits with Chris on a sofa while William and Yousef get something to drink.

"How are things with Sara?"

-"Good! We met a few times, but now we have finished it."

Even is briefly confused. "… You didn’t like her, did you? So … you know what I mean"

\- "Even god no! We only had sex a few times, nothing serious. In this respect Sara thinks, thank God, just like me. Otherwise we could have forgotten the whole thing"

"Yeah that would have been … complicated"

\- "Exactly!!" laughs Chris. 

He thinks about how it looks with Isak. Until now, it’s not complicated. But if Isak would end their thing now, Even would definitely be sad. He likes Isak. Even if he is sometimes a rude -.

\- "Hey!", Eva interrupts his thoughts.

Even and Chris raise their eyes and stare at Eva who is standing in front of them. Eva with Isak beside her.

-"Can we sit down with you?" Eva smiles broadly.

\- "Sure. For such beautiful people as you we always have place," sparkles Chris to her.

Even watches Isak and smiles as he twists his eyes while sitting between Eva and Chris.

-"Even I always wanted to ask you ..", starts Eva.

"Mhh?" Even was curious.

-"What kind of stuff do you draw?" she asked.

"Things I find interesting, things that inspire me. It can be very different things. Nature, objects, people. Or sometimes only individual parts of the body like eyes or hands" 

\- "How cool! Or Isak?"

\- "Yeah sure. Art never really interested me but yeah ... if you like it"

"Do you know Isak, actually everyone is confronted with art"

Isak wrinkles his forehead. This boy can make you crazy.

"There are different ways of doing art. Everyone makes it his way. But there is art in everything."

\- "Whatever. I don’t deal with it. It doesn’t matter to me so … "

"Why not?" Even questioned.

-“Just because I still haven’t seen any work of art or whatever that inspired me that … it has moved me or something” Isak gesticulated.

"Why not?"

\- "Damn stop asking me ‘why not’, what are you? A little child!?"

\- "Isak trust only on facts" Eva giggles.

"Must be quite boring. I don’t understand that nothing haven’t inspires you yet. Are you so insensitive?"

\- "Isak is the most sensitive person I know" Chris pointed out.

\- "Don’t listen to him, he's drunk!" And then Isak got up and walked away and Even was confused.

Isak is sensitive? Clear in any case during sex but what else? What burdens him?  
-

On Saturday afternoon when Even drew, his cell phone vibrated. Isak wanted him to come over, so he immediately set off.  
…  
When they were both lying in Isak's room on the bed, the faces facing each other, Isak finished silence.

\- "You really pissed me off yesterday," he muttered before leaning in and kissing Even dirty and with a lot of tongue.

"Yeah, likewise" says Even between many kisses and touches. "I want to fuck you so hard", he moans in Isaks hair.

…

After when Even wiggly walks into Isak's small bathroom to get new towels because they have already used all the towels in Isaks dessert, he allows himself a short glance into the mirror.

His hair is completely disheveled, his lips swollen. Yes it was good sex. Really really good sex. To look at Isak as he becomes ever more sensitive, ever more desperate. How he clung to Evens hair and begged him. He is so hot but at the same time so soft, sweet and pure.

At the thought of Isak, Even caught himself as he smiles broadly in the mirror. When he just wants to look away, he discovers a small note next to the mirror.

‘Stay high because the world is so low’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it, please let me know in the comments ♥


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi <33
> 
> So Isak is back!
> 
> In this chapter there is a section in which he talks about veganism. I hope you understand what he means.
> 
> Try to make the world a better place! ♥

"Chris, can I talk to you for a minute?" said Isak.

-"Oh god what did I do wrong baby?" Chris giggles while Isak rolls his eyes.

"I don’t want you to tell Even anything about me, okay?"

-"What do you mean?"

"Yeah like Saturday. That I’m the most sensitive person you know? I mean wtf Chris"

\- "So firstly I was fucking drunk on this evening. Second, that was a compliment Isak. Is it so bad when others don’t just see the grumpy Isak!?"

"I don’t care what others think about me! But … I want to decide for myself what Even knows about me and what not"

\- "God Calm down man! I hope you get some dick soon so you can stop being so pissy and weird all the time!”

"What??"

\- "Get a dick!"

Isak turns red, lowers his head. Hopefully, Chris doesn’t notice that-

\- "Oh my ... do you meet someone?" Okay, he noticed it.

"What? No!"

\- "I always know when you’re lying Isak" Chris grins. "But I will not ask you more about that! I see how you feel uncomfortable ... but please tell your lover that he should take better care of you, so you know ..." his grin becomes broader.

"Stop it!" Isak shouts.

He wonders what Chris would think of Evens and his agreement. Even was a friend of Chris and Isak use Even for sex. He doesn’t like Even, they only have sex. Although Even wasn’t as bad as he thought before. He had imagined him more arrogant, but Even had never boasted about money or anything else. There were definitely worse people than Even. Even was okay.  
\--

 

 **EVEN**  
Isak: What are you doing?  
Even: Missing you, wanting you to fuck. The usual. Should I come over?  
Isak: In an hour when Chris is gone.  
Even: I’m looking forward blondie

...

Even lay with his naked body against Isaks. He pulled gently at his blond curls as his tongue wandered over Isak's lower lip.

"Kiss my neck," Isak said softly.

And when Even thoroughly kissed every part of his neck, Isak became warmer and warmer. He closed his eyes and enjoyed every gentle touch.  
Even became more greedy, his kisses getting stronger. As he sucked on the soft skin, Isak's heart began to beat faster and uncontrollably. He took Evene's face with his hands and pulled his lips desperately to his. Even replied the kiss with a groan.

-"Go on your knees" he ordered. And Isak obeyed him.

Even circled Isaks rim with one finger, until he slowly slid in Isak. Isak was writhing on the bed, while Even opened him carefully. He pressed his finger against his prostate and rubbed it. Isak groaned loudly, could no longer control and restrain his loud noises.  
Even pulled slowly his finger out of Isak and continued with his tongue. Kissed Isaks sensitive skin, letting his tongue slip into him. For Isak it was hard to breathe. He moaned and gasped, his eyes closed. Even was so gentle in preparing him.

"Shit ... I don’t ... Even I don’t want to come until you’re inside me … please” 

-"Turn around. I need to see you"

Now Isak was lying on his back again. Even took a condom, put both of his legs around Isak and began slowly to push inside him and Isak couldn’t contain his moans while Evens dick filled him.

…

While both lay side by side in Isaks bed Even said quietly, almost in a whisper

\- "I think we can be friends."

"I don’t need another friend. I already have enough."

\- "I still have hope" Even smiles. 

"Hope?"

-"I think this is the strongest feeling. It’s the only thing stronger than fear ... and in a world that tries to bring you down every single day, you must have hope.”

Isak didn’t like the feeling of hope. In most cases people will disappointed. And unfortunately hope always remains, she never dies completely.

\- "I don’t wanna leave. Tell me to stay"

Isak smiles a little. "You can stay"

Isak doesn’t know how long they were together in bed. He has lost his sense of time. They barely talked, kissed most of the time. Quietly, without rush, without stress.  
When Even gets a message and concentrates on his phone, Isak concentrates on Even. His eyes are so blue. As blue as the sea, but more beautiful than any ocean in the world. On the nose there are small pale freckles. His lips slightly open, biting his lower lip. (God let me do this for you) Every time he is fascinated how beautiful Even is. Sure, beauty is subjective. But if there was a definition of beauty, Even would agree with every point.  
\--

On Wednesday Isak visits his mum.

-"How are you honey?"

"I'm fine Mom. Everything good with you? Is Lea here too?"

-"No, she's on the way." his mother smiles weakly.

"You know, she's just trying to handle all this what happened with Papa. She can’t accept that today true love doesn’t exist any more" Isak looks at his feet, doesn’t want to see the sadness and emptiness in the eyes of his mother.

-"There is still true love Isak," his mother whisperes. Isak raises his head and doesn’t see any fear in her eyes but … hope? - “I hope you find a lover that finds joy in your being, a lover that celebrates your existence. A lover that speaks to god about you.”

"Don’t worry, I like being alone. By doing this I have complete control over my own space and that's a reassuring feeling."  
\--

Thursday was exhausting. Isak hadn’t slept much during the night, at school he had an unpleasant discussion with a teacher and it was very stressful at work.

When he was finally in his apartment, he was happy about Evens message. But this time he wrote that Isak should come to his place. His parents wouldn’t be at home for the rest of the day.  
After Even had sent him his address, he set off. Even lived on the other side of the city, so Isak had to travel by tram for longer than usual. It didn’t bother him. In fact, he found it soothing to just sit there listening to music and looking out the window. 

When he reached Evens house, he had to swallow hard. It was a huge.  
Before he could ring, Even opened the door and waved him in. The entrance hall was adorned with great pictures in golden frames and sculptures. Isak stood in the middle of the room with a slightly open mouth and examined hesitantly every detail.  
Even took his wrist and led him up the stairs to his room. As expected, his room wasn’t exactly small. He had beside a big bed a sofa, many smaller armchairs, a big TV, a big workplace and an extra table with many sketch blocks and pens on it. This had to be Evens place to draw. On the walls were many smaller paintings and many shelves filled with books. The room pleased him.

…

Even sat against the headbord, Isak was lying on his back. It was hard for him to breathe. It was frightening that the sex felt better each time. (No emotions, it's just sex) Isak ended the silence.

"I never want to fall in love with someone."

-"Why not?"

"I don’t want to get hurt. There is already enough shit."

-"Your family?" Even asks after a short break.

"Yeah and -"

\- "What else?" Even interrupts.

"The fact that there is so much suffering in the world. And not just human suffering. Also animals you know. They are exploited and tormented. Many people don’t know what's going on and that’s makes me so angry sometimes …”

\- "So ... are you talking about factory farming?"

Isak sits up, his shoulders at Evens.  
"Yes factory farming. And it's not just about meat. So about milk and eggs. When one is talking about the suffering of the animals, people only think of the meat. But forget that it's far more than that. They think "but a cow doesn’t have to die for milk" or "a chicken doesn’t have to suffer for an egg" but that's wrong. They suffer because of it's a mass event. The workers have little time, so everything has to go as fast as possible and animals will injured. Or leather production or circuses. But yes ... I could tell for a long time about it. If you are interested you can get more information on the internet."

Even hesitates. -"... then I guess you live vegan?"

“Correctly estimated. There is no question for me of ever eating differently again. It’s said that if the walls of the slaughterhouses were made of glass, all people would live vegetarian. But I think a bit further. I think everyone would live vegan. Many people are thinking it’s hard to live like that, but nowadays it isn’t. Actually there is already an alternative for everything. Therefore to live vegan doesn't constitute a renunciation.”

-“Wow you are s-“

“And what about you?”

-“Uhm I eat everything. To be honest, I've never really thought about it. I knew that it’s not good and unfair but … I have never been intensively concerned with this topic.”

“Yes, I thought so”

-“But Isak. You’ll end up really disappointed if you think people will do as you do. Not everyone has … the same good heart as you.” Evens index finger plays with Isaks curls and Isak cannot but lean against it.

“Most don’t do it because they aren’t sufficiently informed. Not because they have no good heart. As in your case”

-“So do you think I have a good heart?” Even grins and pushes Isak shoulder with his own.

“Mhh. I have to think about that again” 

-“Shut up!” Even is laughing. 

He laughs and looks so beautiful.

-“But I know for sure, that you have a really big heart Isak Valtersen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would be very happy to read your thoughts in the comments :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

Monday morning. At the beginning of his class, Isak fell on his chair. Shortly thereafter his teacher came highly motivated into the classroom and threw his bag on the desk.

-"Good Morning! I have news for you! Some might find them good, others rather not."

Isak was certainly sure that he would tend to the latter option.

\- "Your projects will presented for the classes of your year and also all classes of the third year. You have selected all very important topics that are also of interest to other students."

Oh my God. No … please no. That means Isak didn’t have to speak to his class with 30 pupils, but to two complete grades ... that’s about 250 pupils!

Even will see his lecture too. Oh God …

\- "The lectures will take place in the large hall. So ... be well prepared. " his teacher grinned.

Isak was panicked. He was almost completely finished with the preparation but to speak to so many people … and especially before Even !? He hated these goddamn presentations!  
‘Presentations are important to your future’ Blablabla. He couldn’t hear it anymore.  
He wondered what he could do to avoid the lecture. At the same time, it was important for him to explain his subject in detail without anyone interrupting him. It was important to inform the pupils better about this topic.  
And finally, this thought won.  
-

Tuesday. In the school break Isak sits with Jonas in the school canteen. 

\- "So when is this presentation?"

"In two weeks ..." Isak murmurs.

-"Isak you will do it well. Don’t worry so much."

"I hate th-"

-"I know. But you do it well anyway. So calm down."

"Jonas it’s this time before 250 pupils!"

Including Even ...

And as if Jonas could look into his head, he says:  
\- "Among other things, Even"

"Yes ... Even too"

-"How does your ‘thing’ actually work? Still everything relaxed?"

"Yes it works well"

Isak hadn’t seriously wanted to think about it until now. Because he didn’t want to think too much.  
Was it relaxed between Even and him? Actually, yes. The sex was perfect. And Even ... And Even unfortunately too. He wasn’t that pretentious as Isak thought. He didn’t interfere with his life. He let Isak be as he was.  
Isak felt well at Even. But now when he thinks about it, he feels uncomfortable. He shouldn’t feel too well with Even. He doesn’t want HIM to be the one who complicates this thing. It’s better to repress his thoughts to Even.

\- "He's staring at you"

"What?" Isak looks frantically in the canteen.  
And there he is. With perfectly styled hair, his jeans jacket and blue eyes that are directed in Isak's direction. Isak feels like his skin is getting warmer and warmer.

\- "Can’t you see the way his face lights up when he sees you?"

"Oh shut up! You know nothing" Isak says angrily.

Jonas laughs.

"Why are you laughing now??"

\- "You say I know nothing? It's just around the corner Isak. You run around as if you were blind. Open your eyes man"

Isak rolls his eyes and finally wants to change the subject that he can breathe normally again.

"What about you and Eva?"

-"What should be?"

"When I spoke to her she was quite happy"

"I’m happy too." Jonas smiles.

Isak cannot restrain his wide smile.  
"You are destined for each other."  
-

While Isak is making his final preparations for his presentation, his mobile phone flashes next to him.

 

 **EVEN**  
Even: You looked good today  
Isak: You can’t always stare at me at school!  
Even: Why not? Because otherwise you will be quite red? ;) I like that. So both. To stare at you and when you turn red.  
Isak: Haha very funny. But no. Because no one should know about us!  
Even: Calm down Isak. What are you doing right now?  
Isak: Prepare my presentation. You?  
Even: I'm thinking about you under me.  
Yes, there he would like to lie now..  
Even: And you make the sweetest sounds.  
Isak: Come over at five

…

After (too) hot sex, many kisses and gentle touches, Isak and Even are lying side by side in the bed. Isak doesn’t know exactly how they came to talk about his family, but there they were. There in Isak's darkest thoughts.

-“So … did your father leave you?” Even asked confused.

“Yeah but people coma and go. That's life.” Isak tried to show as little as possible his vulnerability as far as the subject was concerned.

-“Isak ... “

“My mother wanted me to be a role model for Lea but ... how could I have been an example when I was still a child?” Isak said sharply.

Even looked at him with wide eyes. He probably didn’t know what to say. How he should react. But he looked sad. Very sad.

-“.. I'm sorry Isak”

“Don’t. I always hate it when people say sorry when you tell them about something. It's not your fault, so you don’t have to apologize.”

Now Even looked helpless, but opened his mouth after a short pause

-“But you know ... not everyone you lose is a loss”

No, his father was definitely no loss. Nevertheless Isak fought back the tears as they filled his eyes.

“The role of a father, he never deserved … but this shit, this life has brought up the beast in me. It was fed with anger, overwhelmed with hatred, and so went all the good. All good in me.”

-“You were injured and left alone with many problems. It’s understandable and comprehensible that afterwards you have built a wall around you. But as soon as you scratch on your surface ... you only see good things Isak. You are so pure and wonderfully human. What I want to say ... no, the good in you has not been lost."

Isak shook his head. “No Even-“

-“I'll prove it to you.” He interrupts him.

After a short break.

“I have two souls in my chest and they are waging war”

-“Let the right one win. The true one.”

The next ten minutes they were just lying there. Without saying anything.

Isak cleared his throat. “And … what about your parents?

Even gave Isak a small smile.

-“I'll tell you another time”  
-

Friday. The boys are at Jonas. All a bit drunk. When Madhi and Magnus go home, there are only Isak and Jonas.

-"How is it with you and Even?" Jonas giggles.

"You already asked me that. Good I think. It's chill you know."

\- "So seriously ... it's just sex? After all just sex?"

"Of course. But ... sometimes we talk ... about serious things and ... "

Jonas narrows his forehead - "What?"

"You know it’s just amazing to have someone who wants to hear about all the thoughts that go on in your head.”

Jonas smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know in the comments what you think ♥


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey wonderful people out there <3
> 
> I hope you're feeling good. :)
> 
> hope you enjoy this down there and let me know if you like it <33

Wednesday. In the lunch hour Isak is sitting with Chris and discuss who have to make the grocery shopping for this week. It doesn't take long and William, Yousef and Even are walking to them.

-“Well, then I'll just do it okay??” Chris is annoyed.

-“How often do you have to go to buy food actually?” William asks. “Yesterday I was at your place and the entire fridge was full with cheese, sausage-" 

-“Didn’t you pay attention to the presentations yesterday? Isak lives vegan.” Chris interrupts.

William turns to Isak -“So you can neither eat sausage or ... cheese?” 

Okay Isaks lecture hadn’t reached all yet. But it was William so Isak wasn’t too surprised.  
“No I can but I don’t want eat that. Veganism isn’t a set of rules I have to abide by, it’s a moral compass. It’s not about what I can and cannot eat, it’s about what I want and don’t want.”

William raises his eyebrows -"ookay ..."

Isak sighs, gets up and wants to walk to his next lesson but Even grabs his wrist -"Hey there is a party at my place on Friday. My parents are on a business trip so ... You and your friends are also invited."

Evens look is full of hope and Isak doesn't want him to disappoint and so he accepts the invitation "Uh yeah... cool"

\--

Friday. Nearly weekend. Nearly Evens party.

Today in school Isak hasn't seen him. Sure here in school he couldn't touch Even but he could see him. He can watch him. He doesn't know why but only to be close to Even and he felt all right. He felt safe.

Late in the afternoon when he’s finally lying on his bed, his mobile phone vibrated and he pulled it out of his pants pocket without hesitation.

 

**EVEN**

Even: You looked hot today  
Isak: You didn't even see me  
Even: Don't have to

 

Even Isak doesn’t want to admit it but it feels very good to read something. Sure it's cheesy and ridiculous, but he can understand that so many people desperately looking for love and are happy as soon as they find them. Or think they have found them. But no matter how, they simply forget that there are also many risks. To love someone means also to need someone. You will be dependent on this person.  
To need someone is a very dangerous thing. That’s why Isak has left early, he wanted to be independent. He knew how fast people could go when it gets harder. And then you are alone and hurt.

\--

After he has eaten something and showered, it’s already ringing at the door. Isak looks one last time in the mirror and then makes his way down where Jonas, Magnus and Madhi are waiting for him.

Evens house is full of people. He feels that the whole school is there and maybe more. When they got something to drink they sat down on one of the many sofas set up in Evens's large living room. So far he hasn’t even seen Even which also doesn’t surprise him among the many people who are here. After 30 minutes and a few more beer, he sees Even across the room talking with a girl. She is tall and has short blonde hair.  
Isak feels a sharp pain in his chest and tries to concentrate back to the conversations with the boys. But even after another ten minutes Even is surrounded by this girl. She laughs constantly and Isak rolls his eyes. Even laughs too but it sounds more honest and natural. The unknown girl strokes him over the upper arm, holds her arm there briefly and Isak feels a heavy stitch in his chest. 

_God this is ridiculous. This feeling that spreads in him is ridiculous._

He bites his cheeks as he notices that Even has discovered him now. Isak tries to look away, he really tries it but he’s caught in Evens blue eyes. So he stared at him. Even turns his eyes away, hugs the girl and walks toward Isak.

\- "Can I sit here?" Even asks.

"No you can’t. Go back to your friend, I think she'd like to suck on your neck." Isak hisses.

Even raises his eyebrows and Isak feels so unpleasant.  
"Come on we're going to smoke outside" Isak pulls Jonas by the shirt, gets up and walks away with him. A few seconds and some bewildered looks later, Magnus and Madhi also walk behind them.

 _God Isak are you serious?_ He’s so angry with himself and his thoughts, his feelings. He’s indeed jealous. He doesn’t want it to be. It's Evens life. Fuck it's not Isaks business.

\--

Saturday. Isak wants to distract himself and visits his mother the next day. Lea is also there but unfortunately they argue after a few minutes.

\- "Why don’t you get angry about papa? Why doesn’t it bother you anymore? Did you forgive him or what?" Lea looks stunned.

"You don’t have to prove it to him Lea! And I definitely didn’t forgive him! To repress doesn’t mean to forgive!" Isak screams. 

He doesn’t want to yell at his sister but it just bursts out of him. He is full of anger and fears that it’s still because of his stupid jealousy from yesterday at Evens party. Last night to see him with this girl ... At the thought of it Isak bites hard on his lower lip.

When the tension has settled he makes his way to his flat. Again and again Evens party comes into his head. He had behaved terribly and so stupidly. He wanted to have this uncomplicated between them and now he’s the one who actually is it. He decides to apologize to regain a normality between Even and him.

 

**EVEN**

Isak: Sorry about yesterday … I was so ridiculous last night. You didn’t do anything wrong. I hope it's still cool between us?  
Even: Sure, everyone has times a bad day right? Don’t worry about it.

 

\--

Tuesday. Isak hadn’t slept more than four hours. Today he presents his lecture in front of more than twi hundred pupils. He has suppressed his excitement for as long as fifteen minutes before his performance. In front of him is a girl on the stage and Isak doesn’t know what she’s talking about. He can’t concentrate and finally runs into a small room besides the stage. There he begins to walk up and down and reads nervously his index cards again and again and has the feeling to get a panic attack. _God, he's so nervous._

He’s so engrossed in his notes that he only noticed Even after a few minutes. He is standing a few steps in front of him and closely observes him.

\- "Nervous?" Even raises his eyebrows.

"What makes you think that?" Isak says sarcastically. 

Even laughs softly and walks slowly towards Isak. When his face is only a few centimeters from Isak, Isak starts to breather faster and more frantically.

"I can’t do that. I can’t speak to so many people. I can’t-"

-"You’ll manage it. I'm sure you'll do it well." Even interrupts him.

But Isak's breathing becomes more and more hectic, uncontrollable, louder and suddenly Even wraps Isak's face in his warm palm, stroking slowly over Isak's cheeks.  
\- "Shh Isak. It's okay. I'm here. It's all right." Even looks him right in his eyes and doesn’t look away. -"Breathe with me okay? It's all right, I'm here. Take a deep breath. I’m here with you."

And with the time Isak is breathing more slowly and calmer. Even smiles at him but Isak doesn’t smile back. He is still too weak and confused by the last minutes. He reaches for Even at the waist and wraps his arms around him. Even caresses Isaks hair, which presses on Evens's neck. Fuck it’s embarrassed at how much he clings on Evens shirt but it feels so right. He wished he could Even say that. But he doesn’t. Instead he moans in Evens shoulder.

"I’m so weak. Think about too much and … but-"

Even is slowly drawing from the embrace and Isak immediately misses his warmth around him.

-"You’re not weak. You're the strongest person I know. You are so strong Isak. So strong. And what you will tell us now shows so much of you. Shows that you have such a good heart Isak. And that doesn’t mean you're weak but rather that you're the strongest." Even looks serious. He is serious. He doesn’t just tell Isak to calm down, he really thinks it's true what he says.

…

When Isak says his first words he stutters extremely. His breathing becomes faster and more hectic. _Fuck fuck pull yourself together._  
He’s looking for Even in the great crowd of students staring at him. And there he sits in the third row next to Yousef and Chris. As Even gives him a small smile Isak feels his breathing immediately calmer and more regular. He looks at his notes in his hands and continues talking. Now without stuttering.

…

As his lecture tends to end he feels a sense of pride and finishs his speech confidently.

"You love animals. Things are used. Sad that many confuse it nowadays."

After that comes applause from everywhere.

\--

When Isak is finally lying in bed at night he reads his many new messages on facebook.  
Even Vilde writes how great she found his presentation and that she didn’t know much about it yet. Jonas, Magnus and Madhi write him too. They already gave him a few high-fives at school but they all wrote again how proud they are of him.

Isak was also proud of himself. A lot of important information to tell many people feels very good. He was so glad about so much positive feedback. Without Even it would probably have become a disaster. He's always there for him, listen to him, helps him. It just makes things even more complicated …Isak catches his phone, open Evens' chat, tips a message and tries to be as honest as possible.

**EVEN**

Isak: I get scared sometimes that I'm a little bit in love with you

He looks at his message, deletes it and writes instead

Isak: Thanks for today

  


That's better. He doesn't want to complicate it. He doesn't want and can't lose Even. He doesn't want Even to feel bad or even guilty. 

Isak's waiting for an answer but there is none. Isak is briefly disappointed that Even doesn’t immediately write back but then he puts his phone away and dedicate himself again to facebook. After responding to a few messages he updates his home page and looks at the top of a picture of a girl with ... Even?? It’s not from Evens profile, he was only linked to it but ... god his heart beats now so strong that it’s hurts. He has never seen this girl, who is she? Isak's mouth becomes dry as he reads the caption.

"'Love you so so much <3'

\--

On Saturday Isak woke up sweatfully. He had a nightmare. It was dark and he was alone. He had panicked and couldn’t calm down, it tore him inside.

On his mobile phone were several messages from Even. Isak scrolled down to the first.

Even: Everything for you

That was probably the answer to his message and ... she came only 1 hour after Isaks message. Wow Even was probably busy last night. Isak bit his tongue and looked at the rest of the news.

Even: Isakk you are so hottt  
Even: SOO perfct <333  
Even: Wht are yur plans fr tmorrow??

Isak stared at the messages. How much has Even drunk?! Actually he didn’t want to respond but then wrote a short message.

Isak: Visit my mum

\--

He visites his mum after work. While his mother cooks Isak goes to his sisters room. Lea isn’t there. He doesn’t look through her stuff, he just looks around. As he stands at her desk he looks into the mirror and looks at himself briefly. But then he looks quickly away and discovers all her makeup which is placed on the surface of the commode. He takes one of the lipsticks in his hand and plays with him a while with his fingers. Until an idea comes to him, he opens it and writes something on the mirror.  
He leaves the room as he had found it. Except now on the mirror stands written with a dark red lipstick. 

‘You are and always will be more than enough’

\--  
As he’s walking to his flat tears pile up in his eyes. Isak was tired, so tired. That’s why he’s letting his tears run down his cheeks. The air was very cold today which allowed the tears to dry quickly.  
When he was only a few steps away from the entrance to the building he saw someone’s waiting outside the door. It was Even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments with your thoughts ♥


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello wonderful people ♥
> 
> again there is a chapter of Evens perspective!
> 
> so I hope you enjoy this <33

Even had been sitting for a while outside the door on the stairs and it was fucking cold. But he knew that Isak is currently with his mother and his sister and would surely be happy about Evens society.

When Isak finally stood in front of him, Even immediately jumped up.

"Hi!" he said excitedly.

Isak looked at him for a moment and didn’t answer. He looked exhausted. Not simply exhausted, but really worn out. As if he had not slept for weeks.

"How was it with your mother?"

-"What are you doing here Even? I don’t need your help or— Please, just … leave me alone"

"Isak wha--"

-"Just go to your girlfriend. I'm fine."

Even was confused. His girlfriend? What did he miss? "My girlfriend?"

-"That’s why you were so busy last night, didn’t you?"

"You're not seriously offended because I didn’t write back to you right away? I was on the road. Sorry if you are worried or wh--"

-"I've seen the picture on facebook" Isak interrupted him.

Now Even was even more confused. "What the hell are you talking about?"

-"Are you kidding me right now Even??"  
  
He noticed that Isak was no longer tired and exhausted. He looked very angry now.

Even quickly took his phone out of his pocket and opened facebook. He hated this stupid app and never spent much time with it.  
He scrolled through his latest notifications. Couple memories for birthdays from people who Even didn’t even know personally, invitations to parties and a picture linking from Mia. Without clicking on the picture he already guessed what Isak had certainly annoyed.

"Isak we were out yesterday and then sometimes you make stupid photos. My God that isn’t so-- "

-"You could have told me!"

"That my cousin spontaneously came to me and we drank something in the evening?"

-"What your ... your cousin?"

Oh my God this boy is incredible. "You thought she is my girlfriend!?" Even can’t suppress a small laugh.

-"Stop laughing asshole! What am I supposed to think when she confesses to you practically her love under this fucking picture??"

"Omg what did she write?"

When Isak only looked at him with glittering eyes, he took his phone again and ... okay, now he realized everything.

"Okay fuck Isak listen to me. Mia is my cousin and not my girlfriend. We don’t see each other often, she lives in Bergen and yesterday she came because she visited someone in Oslo."

He took a short break to see how Isak reacts and he still looked very angry.

"I didn’t know she would post this picture on facebook and then write something like that. For real. God, this is a total misunderstanding."

-"Yeah ... whatever ..." Isak looked at his feet and played with a key in his hand.

Even realized Isak was embarrassed, so he tried to change the subject.

"How was it with your mother?"

-"God why do you care?" Isak hissed.

Even got mad. He couldn’t anything for the picture and nothing for the caption! He had done nothing wrong. There was no reason for Isak to be still pissed.

"Why I fucking care?? Do you really want to know?" Even said loud and serious.

-"Stop yelling at me, I do-"

"Because I like you!! I _really_ like you, you idiot!" Shit did he really say that now? Fuck he never wanted to say that. Isak shouldn’t hear this, shouldn’t know this. Fuck why did he say that? God he doesn’t want to lose him. He cannot lose him. 

Isak looked directly into Evens eyes and Even remained silent. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say. He saw tears gather in Isak's eyes. Now all he would like to do is hug Isak. Holding his hands around his face and wiping away his tears.  
Before Even could say something, Isak muttered something about the fact that he still had to help Chris something, turned around and ran into the building.  
  
Even stood for a few minutes alone in the cold as if he rooted. The cold air felt like many small knives in his skin.  
\--

Monday. And Even hadn’t heard anything of Isak. He was desperate and had to talk to someone about what happened. There was only one with whom he could seriously talk about such things. Yousef, his best friend.

"I have made a mistake. I told him that I like him. Like _really like_ him. It's just slipped out."

-"Why should that be that bad?"

"I shouldn’t have said that. I wanted at the beginning that he promised me that he shouldn’t fall in love with me and now I--”

-“What!? Why did you say something like that?” Yousef interrupts.

“Because I’m fucked?? I don’t want to destroy his life. I couldn’t bear it.”

-“But Even you –“

“No. I don’t want that. He has enough problems. And now I have confessed to him ... I hope he doesn’t feel that way too. But I think he likes me too. He totally flipped out because he thought Mia is my girlfriend and--”

-“You wouldn’t find it good if he replied your love?”

“If I were good enough for him, of course. But not so.”

About the rest of the time they talked about school and when finally Yousef went home, Even is sitting with his parents at the dining table.

While the dinner Evens phone vibrates and he takes it without hesitation and looks at Isak's message.

 

 **ISAK**  
Isak: The truth is … sometimes I miss you so much I can hardly stand it.

  


Even looks a long time at Isaks message and smiles broadly. He knows he shouldn’t be happy about it. Isak had earned something better. But he couldn’t restrain his smile.

-"Who is it?" His mother interrupted his thoughts and grinned at him.

"What?" Even slides hastily his phone back into his pants pocket.

-"Is there anything that you want to tell us?" Her grin grows wider and wider.

" _Mama_ " Even rolls his eyes.

"That's enough for me" she giggles.  
\-- 

Wednesday.  
„God I waited for that all day.“ Even murmurs on top on Isak. 

Both are completely naked and kiss each other passionately. Even loves every sound, every moan Isak makes when Even sucks bruises on his neck to mark him. 

When Even pushs Isaks legs up, Isak is staring intensity in his blue eyes with a slightly open mouth. 

He get some lube and move very slowly one finger into Isak until he begs for more. Now Even moves three fingers into and out of Isak, which makes him loudly moan. 

Even leans forward, whispers in Isak's hair "Do you want to ride me?" 

He feels Isak's warm breathing on his neck, a little nod and a softly _yes_. 

So Even lay down and Isak climbing on his lap. After he gets a condom over his cock Isak moves slowly down on his dick. Even loves this view. How Isak’s mouth is wide open and his hair falls into his face. And _fuck_ it feels indescribably good how Isak rolls his hips against him. 

When their both breathing speeding up Even holds Isak at the hips and puts him down that he lies over him again. He pushs back into him, bouncing harder in Isak, lets him sob a little. “So hot Isak … _fuck_ ”  
Evene leans forward, fills Isak completely and stays in this position. He presses kisses over his face and pulls lightly on his blond curls. 

-“Even I .. I’m coming” Isak stuttered. Even pulls back to see Isak's full face. He makes a loud scream and Even is sure there is nothing more beautiful in the world than when Isak is throwing his head backwards, all his facial muscles tense and his forehead is sweaty.  
After two further kicks Even also comes and falls on Isaks chest, no power to hold himself. He slowly pulling back, leaned in and kisses Isak deeply. 

The next kisses are rather small short because for more they have no breath. As they both open their eyes, they are staring at each other and smile wide.  
\-- 

Friday at a party. 

Even stood with Yousef and Chris but always had an eye on Isak. Isak drank a lot of alcohol and could barely keep on his legs. Even rolled his eyes and finally ran to Jonas and told him that he wants to make sure that Isak comes home safely. Jonas looked at him briefly but nodded. So Even took Isak at the wrist und pulled him to himself. 

They are walking quietly towards Isaks flat. A hand around Isaks hip to support him. After a few minutes Isak looked up at him and didn’t turn his eyes away. 

-“God you are so fucking beautiful.” Isak whispered. 

Isak looked so serious, so Even giggled “And you are fucking drunk” 

-“Yes, I’m drunk. And you’re beautiful. And tomorrow morning I’ll be sober, but you’ll still be beautiful.” 

Even smiles and look at the ground. 

-“When you told me that you like me, so _really_ like me, I swear that was the best feeling I could have ever felt.” 

Even still smiled, but shook his head “I shouldn’t have said that.” 

… 

Even puts Isak into his bed, covers him with his blanket and sits down on the edge of the bed. 

-“Sometimes I think that I don’t have a purpose in this world. That I’m simply useless.” Isak mutters. 

Even narrowed his eyes. “Please don’t say that. You are the most precious thing in this damn world.” 

Isak looks at him incredulously. So Even tries again. He wants Isak to know what he thinks about him. 

“You know, if someone would ask me what I see in you, I would just smile and look away because I would be afraid that if they knew, they’d fall in love with you too.” 

Isak stares a few seconds at him and then looks away. Suddenly he stares back to Even, sheds a little tear away and said -“Can one still believe in love in our time?” 

Even loses himself in Isaks green eyes. “Yeah” he whispers quietly and used his fingers to trace Isaks cheek and his lips. “When I look at you I know that it’s fucking possible.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know in the comments what you think :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ♥

Saturday.

When Isak slowly opens his eyes, he blinks a few times and rubs his eyes. Through the curtains he recognizes that it’s already bright outside. But for Isak this isn’t a reason to get up or move. After a few seconds he noticed a slight, dull pain in his head. How much had he drunk yesterday. _Fuck_

He sighs, wants to stand up and sees a glass of water and a tablet standing on his bedside table. Omg had Even set that for him last night?  
He had been quite drunk but could remember everything. He had Even said how beautiful he was and god- he had pity himself while Even sat next to him and had to listen to his silly shit talk. Fuck Even have to think he’s ridiculous.  
He reached for his phone and saw a new message from Lea.

 

 **LEA**  
Thanks for your message at the mirror .. :)

 

He smiled at the display and turned back on his back, looked at the ceiling and closed his eyes until someone came into the door. Even.

-"Hey, how are you?" Even asked as he walks around the bed and sat down beside Isak, his back to the headboard. _okay he slept here._

Isak cleared his throat. "Um yeah I think I'm fine"

Even smiled on him bridely which has Isak made blush. - "So … do you still think the same?"

Isak was confused and looked up at Even. "Mh? What do you mean?"

Even stares at him and laughed -"Do you still think I'm ' _fucking beautiful_ '?"

"Oh my god" Isak held his hands in front of his face. "I was just embarrassed yesterday."

\- "No you weren’t. You only said a few things tha-" Even interrupted himself " ... were they true?"

Isak looked at him for a moment and then sat up next to Even. He could be cowardly and simply lie, but Isak decided to be brave. _Come on. Be courageous._

"Yes, they were true. So I mean, they _are_ true." He didn’t know why, but he didn’t dare to look at Even, so he stares down at his hands.

Suddenly Even put a hand on his thigh and Isak melted immediately in the warm touch.

-"What do you think right now?" Even asked quietly.

"I don’t know. I'm really bad at such things .. in finding words."

-"Listen to yourself, see if there are words for it"

Isak sighed "You torture me"

-"What?" Even couldn’t hold back a small giggle and when Isak looked at him, in his sparkled blue eyes, he couldn’t stop himself and kiss him on the mouth.

Even kissed him back and dug his hands in Isak's hair, which were already completely messed up. The kiss became more passionate, desperate and greedy. Isak groaned in Evens mouth when suddenly Evens phone rang and he cleared his throat -"Sorry I should .. maybe it's important."

"Sure, it's fine. Go for it." Isak said, turned to his nightstand and tipped the tablet down with a few sips of water.

-"Hey mama ... Yeah I will be there. ... Yeah okay. Promise ... You too, bye." Even threw his phone on the bed and let his head fall backwards.

"Is everything alright?" Isak murmurs.

-"Yeah it's just ... my mum wants me to come home tonight to have dinner with my dad and yeah ..."

"What is that with your father?"

Even sighed. -"It's kind of complicated. But to put it briefly: he wants me to be as successful as he is. Best a manager of any big company or whatever. But I don’t want that. This isn’t the future I want."

"What do you want?"

Even looks at him with wide eyes. "I want to be a screenwriter."

"Okay … I understand. Not because I've ever been or will be in such a situation. My dad doesn’t care what I want to do but yeah ... it’s comprehending."

Even looks at him sadly but Isak smiles. He takes Evens hand, strokes his fingertips over every single ankle and admires how perfect Evens hands are.

"Why do you like writing so much? I'm curious."

-"Because no one listens" says Even without hesitation.

Isak smiles and lets his hand go to Evens's neck and pulls him to him to meet his lips with his own. After a few more little kisses over Evens face Isak pulls back. But only to the extent that her forehead touches easily.

"I think you should do what you think is right. What other people think doesn’t matter. Even if it’s your father. No one has the power to shatter your dreams unless you give it to them. So don’t stop until you’re proud Even. In the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take you know."

Even smiles at him. -"Thanks"

"For what?"

-"For saying these words."

"It's just the truth so ... no problem."

Even giggles, kisses isak briefly on the lips, then on the nose. -"And you want to tell me that it’s hard for you to find the right words?"

"Shut up" Isak laughed.

-"You still haven’t answered my question" Even grins at him and Isak knows which question Even means.

"Yeah. I still think that you’re beautiful.” Isak said and climbs on Evens lap.

-“Mhh” Even hums.

Isak norrows his eyes. “What?” 

-“You think I’m simply beautiful?”

Isak bursts into laughter “Oh god Even. My mistake, of course I meant that I still think that you’re _fucking_ beautiful. Happy?” And Even nods and starts to kiss Isak passionately with open mouth.

“So fucking fucking beautiful” Isak whispers between the kisses.  
\--

Sunday.

Isak and Jonas sit on Jonas’s couch and play Fifa. After 4 rounds, which Isak won all, the fun is gone and they put the controller away. After topics about Eva, Isaks mum and lea, finally Jonas starts with Even again.

-"Friday night … did Even well care about you?" Jonas asked.

"Yes, he ... stayed overnight."

-“Yeah? Okay wow that's nice I guess."

Isak grins. "Yes that was it.."

Jonas laughes at that. "So what are you two now? And don’t say ‘It's just sex blabla'”

Isak rolls his eyes but doesn’t answer him because he doesn’t know what they are.

"Um ... I don’t really know what we are."

-"What do you feel about him? Or how ... how much did you told him about your feelings?" Jonas asked and stares him directly in the eyes.

Isak took a deep breath and looked at his lap. 

"I have tried my hardest to not act how I feel but … fuck. You meet thousands of people and no one touches you. And then you meet one person and your life changes forever. And you can not hold it back any longer.” 

After a short break he added ”Whatever our souls are made of, I think his and mine are the same.”

Jonas smiled at him.

"But ... I still haven’t told him what I feel ... you know"

-"We are defined by our actions, not our words and with your actions you showed him what you feel about him. He knows that. Believe me."

After a short moment Isak laughs and said "Friday night I told him that he's 'fucking beautiful' "

–“Haha no way?” Jonas laughs too. -"Well, drunk words are sober thoughts."

"Yes obviously" Isak smiles and look at his best friend who smiles too.  
\--

In the evening Isak decides to go to see his mother, hoping to see Lea. When he walks in her room, she isn’t there. Isak sighs and lets his head hang. When he looks up again, he discovers that his message is still clearly on the mirror and he finally smiles.  
He notices that Leas laptop on her desk is still opened with her spotify list. Without thinking about it, he presses on play and the next song begins to play.

 

_An eight year old girl had a panic attack_  
_Cause the father she loved left and never looked back_  
  
_No longer the hero she counted on_  
_He told her he loved her and then he was gone_  
_She tried to look happy in front of her friends_  
_But knew that she’d never feel normal again_  
  
_She fought back the tears as they filled her eyes_  
_And wanted him back just to tell him goodbye_

 

Isak presses on stop and slowly sits down on the chair. He was suddenly endlessly sad. Not about the fact that their father had left, but because it hurts Lea so much. Tears gathered in his eyes, and he tried to blink them away.  
After he had calmed down after a few minutes, he closed the laptop and got up.  
\--

When he’s lying in his bed he thinks about the conversation with Jonas. He thinks about Even. And even if his past was shit, he could imagine for the first time in a long time a future where he was happy.

Isak turned to the side and pulled the pillow beside him. It smelled like Even. He inhaled the scent and smiled into the fabric. He was nearly sleep as he heard his phone vibrate.

**EVEN**

Even: See you tomorrow at school?  
Isak: Sure :)  
Even: :)

Before he put his phone away, he tapped on the display again.

 

Isak: What do you think about before you go to sleep?  
Even: Your face. I always think about it before I sleep. 

 

Isak smiles widely and feels how his heart warms up. Right now he misses Even so much. They have seen each other this morning but he already misses his body, his warmth, just everything. He turns off his nighstandlamp and looks, before he attemps to fall asleep, one last time on his phone.

 

Even: And what do you think about before you go to sleep?  
Isak: I imagine you’re here with me. With one arm around me and your legs touching me … Then you kiss my neck and we fall asleep like that.

Isak was surprised at how honest he was being and smiles because every word of his message was the truth.

 

**JONAS**

Isak: I’m in deep shit  
Jonas: Why? Whats up??  
Isak: I’m so in love with this boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song at the end is called "this isn't the end" by owl city <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a little scene from my favorite movie here. I love this scene and I wanted to get it involved. I hope no one is angry with me. (but there are only a few lines so I think it's okay)
> 
> much love to you out there ♥

Monday.  
Isak was sat in biology, Sana sat down beside him. 

-“ You look happy.“ Sana says.

„mhh?“ Isak is totally absorbed in his textbook.

-„Isak!“ Sana grins and nudged Isak with his shoulder.

„Sana, I'm trying to concentrate!“

-„Isn't there something you might want to tell me?“

„No.“ Isak answers a little too fast and Sana just grins at him with big eyes.  
\---

Before his last lesson, Isak exchanges his books at his locker until someone taps him on the shoulder from behind and he turns around to look into blue eyes. 

„Hey“ Isak says quietly and smiles at Even.

-„You’re looking fucking hot today“, Even told him and Isak blushs instantly.

-“I'm going home now, but let's meet tonight.?” Even asks.

„Yeah sure.“ Isak nods.

Even smiles widely at him and brushes his back of his hand over Isak's cheek. -“I'll pick you up at six.”

And with that he leaves Isak.  
\---

It was nice to be out and walk aimlessly in the city. Even was by him so the cold doesn’t really matter. There are walking on the pavement und suddenly Even stops at a wall and gets something out of his backpack. _Graffiti spray bottles?_

Even starts to shake the cans and spray something on the wall. Isak looks around for people, but they are completely alone. He tries to look over Evens shoulder to see what he paints but he can't see anything.

After only half a minute Even turns around and kisses Isak on the mouth. It's a short kiss but when Evens’ lips slowly pull back, Isak pulls him back with his hands lying on his neck and kiss him deeper that his tongue is licking in Evens mouth. It feels so desperate and dirty. As both retreat from each other to normalize their breathing, Isak finally looks at the wall and stares at Evens graffiti. 

‘EVAK' is now written in capital letters on the wall. Isak can't help laughing. 

"Really? You linked our names?"

Even nods and smiles.

“You were crazy to do this.” Isak giggles.

-“No, I’m in love.” _He is in love. Even is in love with him._

“It’s the same thing.” Isak smiles at him.

-“Come lay with me on the road.”

“Why?”

-“Simply because I want to and I would love to. If you aren’t doing what you love, you are wasting your time.”

Isak looks around and lays down to Even.

“What happens if a car comes?”

-“We die.”

Both are lying next to each other with their backs on the road and look up to the sky. Even reaches for Isaks hand and connects it with his own, gently caresses his ankles.

-„I could die right now. I’m just … happy. I’ve never felt that before.” Even murmurs.

Isak turns his head so that he can see the side of Evens face. 

“Please don’t say stuff like that. It makes me sad.”

After a short silence Even quietly speaks up.

-„One thing … what would you do if I died today?”

“I’d die tomorrow.” Isak says serious.  
\---

Friday.

Since Evens parents aren't home for the weekend, he decides to have a party. 

Isak is with the boys most of the time and swapped looks with Even from time to time. Most of the time they grin at each other, which often makes Isak blush. He's so happy right now. Who would have thought a few weeks ago that this would happen? That he's never felt more comfortable than when Even is around him? 

Later in the evening, when his friends left and there are only people who Isak doesn't know, Even takes Isak's wrist and presses him with one hand against Isak's chest against a wall.

-“You know, even in the beginning, I pushed everyone else away because they weren’t you.” he whispers in Isak's ear.

…

When all the guests left the house, Even carried Isak to his bedroom and pulls his clothes on the floor. Isak is laying down on Evens bed and reaching out to hold Evens face between his palms. Anything that has accumulated in Isak in the last few hours, he can do now. 

Anything that Isak wanted to touch, he can touch now. Anything he wanted to kiss, he could kiss now.

-“I’m so happy. that scares me so much.” Isak murmurs between the kisses.

Even grabs Isaks face with both hands, stares directly into Isaks eyes and finally kisses him firmly on the lips. 

–“Come on, let's make love till the sun can see it.” he whispers in Isak's hair.

…

Even was touching him so softly, nothing else seemed to matter in this moment but him. He removes gently Isaks boxers and put his mouth on Isak’s dick which makes Isak moan. During the sucking Even looked up at him. 

“Even _fuck_ .. “ Isak groans.

As Isak's breathing accelerated more and more, Even turned away briefly and finally began to circle Isak's rim with his fingers. He added a finger and Isak thought he could see the stars. When Even slowly added another finger Isak trembles and moves his hips up and down. 

Even climbs over Isak and kisses him with his tongue. Isak kisses Even so often that he can hardly feel his lips. He loves kissing him. They're so gentle kisses, without any rush.

As Even is in Isak, Isak doesn’t only feels excited feelings, but also others ... it's hard to describe, but it feels like complete satisfaction. He thinks there can't be a better feeling.

-“You’re mine.” Even whispers.

“Say it again.”

And Even keeps saying it again and again until both come and lie heavily breathing pressed on each other. The morning sun shines between the curtains in the room and projects red colors on their bodies.

Isak feels his warm breath against his neck. He caresses and kisses Evens hair. “I’m yours.”

Even lifts the duvet and lays it over Isak and himself, until their both bodys are covered. 

-“How are you feeling?” Even asked and pushing back some of Isak’s curls.

“I don’t know anything anymore. But I know I do love you.”  
\---

Saturday.

Isak wakes up before Even, but he's not moving. He's watching Even while he sleeps. He observes Evens breasts slowly lifting and lowering. He observes that Even's mouth is slightly open. _How can a human being be so incredibly beautiful?_

When Isak gets up, he takes time to look at the many photos on the wall. He discovers Evens sketch block and flips slowly through the pages.

He sees many sunrises, the different phases of the moon and many drawings of lips, eyes and hands. The ankles are so finely drawn as if they were real. All the drawings look so real, so pure. It must have taken hours to draw them this perfect with every single detail. Isak is impressed by Even’s drawing skills. His thoughts are suddenly interrupted when he notices that Even is standing next to him.

-"Do you like them?" Even smiles at him. 

"Yes, they are incredible." Isak keeps looking at the drawn lips, eyes and hands "Are that my body parts?" Isak asked quietly. 

-“Yeah” Even smiled and takes Isak hands in his own. He strokes the individual bones, then looks Isak in the eyes and gently strokes his lips with his fingertips.

–“I don’t think I could ever get tired of looking at you. You are literally art.”

Isak smiles and shakes his head. “I’m not –”

-“I can’t see anything that I don’t like about you. I think that you are the most beautiful and wonderful thing in the world” Even interrups him.

Isak wants to say something, wants to contradict him but he sees how Even eyes looks at him. 

Full of hope, full of affection, full of love.

So instead he digs his fingers in Evens hair and pulls them down to his lips.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "and … you’re my snowstorm baby"

Monday.

The hours in the morning at school were so slow that Isak could hardly wait until its finally lunch break and he could see Even. It's crazy how much he misses him already.

He sat in the cafeteria with Jonas, Magnus, Madhi, Eva and Sana.

-"Where is Vilde?" Magnus asked.

-„She's in town with Noora," Sana replied. 

Jonas frowned - "Who's Noora?" 

Eva took a bite of her pizza and muttered - "The new one in our class. She grew up in Oslo, lived in Spain for a while and has now come back. She's incredibly beautiful."

-„Do you think so?“ Magnus asked.

Isak followed the conversation for a few more minutes until someone touched him on the shoulder and suddenly Even sat down next to him on the chair. -"Hey"

-„Omg hey Even! How are you??" Eva was really happy to see him. Like really really happy.

-"Um yeah, I'm fine. And you?" Even giggled.

"When I see you, I can only feel good." she waved at him, Isak twisted his eyes and Even laughed out loud.

-"Even your party last weekend was so good. Your house is so gross!" said Magnus and Jonas and Madhi agreed with him.

Even smiled - "Glad you liked it." 

Magnus gave Even more compliments and Eva asked him an infinite number of questions but Isak could only concentrate on Even. 

He watched him and caught himself smiling as soon as Even laughed. He couldn't help it. When Even laughed, his eyes laughed with him. They sparkled and were so radiant blue. _It looked so beautiful._

He realized that someone kicked him under the table against his shin and he knew it was Jonas.

When he looked over at him, Jonas only raised his eyebrows and smiled widely at Isak. Isak felt how nervous he became and it felt almost embarrassing for him. He looked briefly to Even and immediately turned red.

As if Even could look into his head and see that he was feeling uncomfortable, he gently put his hand on Isak's knee. After a few seconds Isak felt more secure and laid his hand on Evens.  
He knew that no one could see it, so he leaned back in his chair and enjoyed the little touch of Evens warmth. Which was actually enough for him at the moment.

\---

**EVEN**

Even: Your friends are cool. Especially Magnus  
Isak: Magnus always exaggerates  
Even: He means well :)  
Isak: I know :*  
Thanks for saving me today, it ... I felt much safer right away.  
Even: I couldn't help it, baby .. my heart almost jumps out of my chest when you look at me and blush  
Isak: …  
Even: :(  
Isak: :*  
Even: When will I see you?  
Isak: Tomorrow after school at my place? Chris won't be home till night.  
Even: Can’t wait

\---

Tuesday.

Since neither of them wanted to cook after school, Even and Isak decided to take pizza with them from some Italian restaurant.

When Isak unlocked the door with one hand and balanced the pizza boxes in the other hand, Even became more restless. Isak felt how excited Even was. He was so close to Isak that he could hear his breathing.

When the door finally gave way and they entered the empty apartment, Even pressed Isak hard against the wall and pressed his lips against Isaks. Isak immediately dropped the pizza boxes onto the floor and embraced Even face with his hands and passionately kissed Even back.

-„Fuck I missed you, I missed this“ Even murmurs between the kisses and Isak smiled at his lips.

\---

When they finally pulled apart, they sat next to each other on the floor, pizzas in front of them.

"So, first sex or pizza?" Isak grinned at him.

-“First pizza, then sex", Even answered and Isak looks disappointed.

-"Pizza's getting cold, but you stay hot." Even said and Isak smiled all over his face.

...

Isak threw the empty boxes into the trash and dropped himself on his bed next to Even. Both were lying on their sides to look each other in the eyes.

-“I have a question" Even said quietly. 

"You can ask me everything"

-“A few weeks ago we were both totally against this ... What are we? I mean ... what do you feel exactly?"

Isak briefly hesitated and realized in Evens eyes that he was nervous. His eyes were not light blue, but darker.

„You should know that I wasn’t never afraid of relationships or love. I was just afraid of trusting someone too easily. But ... I’m so in love with you Even. The first time I met you, I had no damn idea I’d love you this much. I mean, it’s so crazy, because I don’t even know when you became so important to me. It’s like watching a snowstorm. You see the flakes falling, but you don’t realize how they’re adding up. Then suddenly, your whole lawn is covered. All these little things have added up and … you’re my snowstorm baby.”

Isak leaned forward to kiss away a tear on Evens jaw and put his right hand softly on Evens cheek.

-"You're _so_ ... I just don't have any words for it." 

"Didn't you want to be a screenwriter later?" Isak giggled.

Even laughed -"Yeah, but fuck, you make me speechless."

Even kissed Isak tenderly on the lips, then on his jaw, his neck –-

"And what do you feel?" Isak asked and Even looked Isak in the eyes again.

-„That I just want to be with you. Like always. At any time. We haven't liked each other long, but I'm so crazy about you. It doesn't feel like short-term feelings, but ... it feels like forever. Like no matter what or who comes, for me it will always be you. It's crazy to say, but I know that you are my world and nothing or nobody will ever change that.”

Isak looked at him with his mouth slightly open and mumbled a quiet „Wow.“ _Fuck we are so cheesy but I love it so much. I love every single word._

Even buried his hands in Isak's curls, whereupon Isak closed his eyes to enjoy Evens gentle touch even more, to perceive even more.

Eventually Isak pulls Even to him, with his hands on Evens hips and kisses him tenderly. Soon the kisses became more and more hungry and greedy. 

It didn't take long until both of them got rid of their clothes and Even lay over Isak, his chest pressed against Isaks. 

–„I want you. Now.“ whispered Even and instead of answering Isak kissed him now even harder, even more passionately as if his life depended on it until suddenly the door opened and Chris stormed into the room.

-„Hey Isak did you see my – what the fuck!??“

Isak pushed Even down from him and pulled the blanket over her naked body..

„Chris!!“ Isak yelps.

Isak is panicking because _fuck what should he tell Chris??_

-“Even!! Isak? What the fuck!!” 

When Isak briefly looks at Even, he only sees him giggle.

„That’s not funny Even!“

-„Come on, it’s a bit funny.“ 

Isak twists his eyes and stares at Chris again. „What are you doing here??“

-“Wait what!? I live here!”

"I know that Chris! But what are you doing _here_ in my fucking room!?“

-"I'm looking for my charger and thought you might have -- are you two together or ... ?"

„God can you just please go out??" Isak hissed.

Chris looked at them for a moment and finally grinned broadly .

-"We'll talk another time! So, have a lot of fun and I'll see you tomorrow then Even?" 

Even waved after him and Chris closed the door. Isak sighed loudly and hid his face with his hands.

Immediately Even took Isaks hands into his own -"Hey it’s not so bad. I mean, someday he would have known anyway.”

„Yes, but I hadn't imagined it in this way Even!"

-"Yeah, I don't either" Even laughed and laiced their fingers together -"But hey, is it okay? I mean ... if others know about it? About us?"

Isak looked into the sharp blue that looked at him nervously. 

"It's okay," he mumbled quietly but Even didn't answer. As if Isak wasn't convincing enough. "It's really okay Even. I just wanted to decide for myself when the others should know and how they would experience it ..."

-"So should we tell the others now?"

“Yes, I think so”

Even smiled at him and strokes his cheeks –„my wonderful boyfriend“

 _Boyfriend_. That sounded so strange but so good. Isak never had relationships, only a few hook-ups, but they were meaningless and only for the purpose of.

"Have you ever had a relationship before?"

-„Yeah I had my first girlfriend when I was 15 and we were together for two years but it didn’t really work out. So..”

“But you didn’t were with a guy, didn’t you?”, Isak said and looked thoughtful. 

-“I hooked up with some guys but no, I never had a boyfriend.” 

“Mhh okay ..” murmelte Isak.

It wouldn't have been so bad. It’s the past. But still, Isak was happy to know that Even had never been with a boy in a relationship before. Never been so close with a boy as he was with him. Never felt such feelings for a boy before. 

-“But as you may have noticed, I know how gay sex works” Even smirked and making Isak giggle.

For a few more minutes they lay so close to each other that their nosetips touched each other slightly. 

“You know, I don’t care if I’m your first or not. I just want to be your last.” Isak whispered.

Even stares at Isak and brought their laced fingers to his mouth and kissed the back of Isaks hand.

-“I love you so much”

“I love you too”

\---

When Even went home against evening, Isak decided to visit his sister.

Lea locked him in her arms for a long time and finally dragged him into her room. 

"How are you, Lea?"  
  
-"I'm fine, really" 

"Okay, if you say that, I believe you." Isak promises.

-“You know I was just so angry because I thought you don't care about papa. You've already made peace with this whole thing, and I just haven't..." 

"I'm sorry, Lea. I'm really sorry,"Isak said quietly.

-"You don't have to apologize. I'm on my way to reconciliation right now..."

„You know, you can forgive someone and still want absolutely nothing to do with them. You can create distance from someone with no resentment attached.”

Lea smiled at him and nodded.

-“How are things going with you? School okay? You kind of look different. Happier." 

"Yeah school runs well, I learn more and …“ _And there’s this boy._

Lea pulled up her eyebrows –„.. and?“

Isak twists his eyes. „And there is a boy“

-“Omg really?? How cute! Tell me everything!!”

“Omg Lea, no. Come on” Isak moaned but Lea looked at him with her big eyes.

–„Isak please‚ ‘And there is a boy‘ and … ?“

Isak sighed out loud as he gave in to his sister 

„and the way he laughs makes me smile, and the way he talks gives me butterflies, and everything about him, makes me happy”

Lea stared at him with her mouth open -„Wow. Just wow.“

Isak smiled and Lea had tears in her eyes. 

"I hope you'll feel the same way someday, Lea. It’s the best feeling. You more than deserved it."

-"I can imagine how beautiful it can be" 

"Yeah, that's what I used to think, but that's just so much more. You will never truly understand something until it actually happens to you” Isak flushed, smiled and stared at his feet.

He told Lea the whole story. How Even and he hated each other, what kind of deal they had and how they fell in love with each other. Meanwhile, Lea lay with her belly on her bed and listened attentively to her brother.

\---  
**EVEN**

Isak: I love that after I spend time with you, I can still smell your scent on my clothes. it's my favorite scent. My heart is longing for you Even Bech Næsheim.  
Even: asfvaslgfaw! Wow ♥♥♥  
Isak: weirdo  
Even: you are so cheesy!  
Isak: yeah but you love it  
Even: I do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think ♥


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♥

-"So... you and Even huh?" asks Chris while they are playing fifa. 

„Yeah …„ says Isak shyly.

-„Are you guys together or...?" Chris grins and raises his eyebrows.

Isak rolls his eyes „Yeah Chris, we're together, okay?"

-„How long has this been going on between you two? I mean, a few weeks ago you haven't changed words yet."

„Yeah, but then... yes... we–“ 

Isak had agreed with Even that they would tell everyone from now on, but he just doesn't know how to start. 

„You know, we are-- on Saturday, I will even meet his parents and“

-„Isak“ Chris interrupts him –„ actually it doesn't matter. You guys are together now, and that's cool. Really.“ Chris smiles.

-„And to be honest, I'm really really happy about it, then maybe you're nicer to me now. Now when you get lai—“

„Shut up!!“ Isak throws a pillow at him, but Chris only breaks out laughing loudly.

After a few more rounds of fifa Isak asks “Do you know where my phone is?"

Chris frowns. -„Huh? Have you lost it?“

„I don't know, but I've been looking for it before, but I haven't found it yet. Can I have yours for a second? I just want to let a few people know”

–“Sure” Chris says simply and throws his phone to Isak. 

…

Chris and Isak are lying on the sofa and the tv is on until Chris phone rings. Chris looks at the display, grins and leads his phone to the ear.

-“Yo Even! … Yeah sure. But no telephone sex over my mobile please.” 

Isak sighs, takes the phone from Chris and walks in his room.

“Hey”

-“Hey baby. Tomorrow evening at 6 pm. Don’t forget and be punctual. I already sent you the address."

“You know that I can't find my phone..”

-„Fuck right. That's what I wanted to tell you. Your sister got it.“

„What? Oh fuck. I was with her last night. Thank god. I thought it was stolen. Okay, then I'll pick it up right away."

-„Go for it sweetie“

„Ugh don’t call me that“ Isak mumbles „and I never come too late!”

-“Yeah I know. That's just important to me tomorror. But you don’t have to be nervous. It will go well.”

“I hope so.”

…

**LEA**

Isak: You weren't home, but I picked up my phone. Just so you know.  
Lea: Good! Your boyfriend is very sweet by the way <3  
Isak: …  
Lea: Have fun eating with his parents tomorrow :b  
Isak: Lea!! But yeah .. I hope it will be fine.  
Lea: It's gonna be okay.  
Isak: Mhh.. and how are you doing?  
Lea: I'm okay. With papa, it's still getting me really down but yeah …  
Isak: Keep in mind that forgiving is not for others, it is for you. Forgiving is not forgetting. It is remembering without anger. It frees up your power, heals your body, mind and spirit. Forgiveness opens up a pathway to a new place of peace where you can persist despite what has happened to you  
Lea: :)  
love you  
Isak: love you too

\---

Even had send him the address of a really fancy restaurant. It was probably the fanciest place Isak had been in his entire life. French cuisine in a historic old building. Even ordered for them both and Isak was a hell of a lot less nervous. Most menus looked very weird. And fuck, he doesn’t know which cutlery to use for the individual dishes.

**JONAS**

Isak: This place is so fancy and I don’t know which fork to kill myself with  
Jonas: Did you get your phone back?  
Isak: No I’m texting from my microwave!  
Jonas: Dude, you need to show me how to do that

Isak twists his eyes and puts his phone back in his jeans.

-“So Isak, what are your plans for the future?” Evens dad asks him.

„Well I would like to study medicine“

-„Wow okay, that sounds like a good idea. Maybe you can get Even to study some more reasonable too.“

Isak narrowed his eyes. „I think you should study what makes you happy and what inspires you."

Even smiles at him, pulls him to his chest and kisses his cheek. –„That's how I see it too.“

Evens mother giggles and asks -„And what do your parents do Isak?“ 

„My mother is a nurse and I'm not sure about my father so..”

-“Are your parents divorced?”

„No, but we don't know where my father is.“

-„Oh but—“

-„Mum, I think it's enough“ Even looks at her seriously.

-„Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." Evens mum says quietly but Isak shakes his head.

„No, it's okay. It's been a few years since he disappeared, so it doesn't bother me too much anymore." Isak smiles weakly and nips on his glass of water.

\---

-„I'm sorry about my mom earlier...“

„Hey, it's not bad. She just wanted to know me.“

-„Mhh“ Even says and looks at his hands.

„Hey look at me“ Isak gently took Evens' chin and lifted it up. „It’s allright, okay?“

Even nods and smiles at him. 

Immediately Isak pulled Evens hair and pushed his tongue into his mouth. Even quickly pushed him against the kitchen counter and lifts him up and Isak moans. They deepen their wet kisses more and more until Isak groans quietly against Evens lips “Fuck, Even. I want you so bad.”

-“Come on guys, not in the kitchen” says Chris annoyed and gets something out of the fridge.

Isak giggles, takes Evens hand and drags him into his room.

…

Even pulls Isak at his neck and lets his tongue slide into Isak's mouth. He moans quietly at that and tries to squeeze every single muscle to Evens body.

-"I want you" whispers Even in Isak's hair. Instead of replying, Isak climbs on Even and starts kissing along the line of his collarbone.

As he glances briefly to Even, he sees his intense gaze, his eyes are now darker than usual.

-“I love you, Isak.” he says earnestly.

“God, I love you too. So so much, Even.”

Even smiles at him broadly before he pulls him back down to himself and kisses him greedily. 

...

-"Turn around, baby." Even instructs him and Isak does what he says.

He’s lying between Isak's legs and starts to press small tender kisses on Isak's rim.

“Oh my god, that feels so good .. fuck—”

As Even slowly circles his tongue around the hole, Isak screams immediately. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, Even!!”

-“You taste so fucking good.” says Even, stroking Isak's hip with one hand as he presses his tongue deeper and deeper into Isak.

“I want you Even. Now. Please.” Isaks begs.

-“Have a little patience baby. I don't want to hurt you.”

Even teases him carefully with his fingers, while Isak clutches his nails in the layer and desperately moans into the pillow.

He whines as Even pulls his fingers out to strip a condom over its hard length.

-“Turn around, I want to see you.”

When Isak is lying on his back again, Even bends over him –“You ready?”

“God Even, please hurry up, I want—FUUCK!!" he moans out loud as Even pushes himself completely with one move into Isak.

-“Fuck Isak, you're still so tight, so hot.” he leans forward to kiss Isak passionately as he pushes harder and harder into him.

“God Even, I can’t hold it longer …Fucking god—” Isak monas loudly.

-“Come for me baby. Come on, let go.”

Isak arches his back to feel Even more intensely and finally screams loudly after three more strokes and covers his own chest with white stains. Even comes shortly after him and drops onto the mattress next to Isaks.

“That was fucking incredible” Isak says quietly, still breathless.

-“You are incredible” answers Even and gives him a small kiss on the mouth. –“Let me clean you up.” he whispers and slides down to kiss Isak's stomach.

“What are you doing?”

-“I just said I'd clean you up.” Even grins and starts licking up Isak's cum with his tongue.

_Wow. This man is just too perfect._

“Come here”, Isak whispers.

He kisses Even tenderly and slowly explores his mouth with his tongue to taste himself.

\---

Isak feels how Even spins back and forth next to him. It was middle of the night and Even was more restless than usual.

„Even whats up?“ he says quietly into the dark.

-„I want to get out“

„Out? You mean out on the street?“

Even he gives him a serious yes.

„What? But why?“

-„I just feel like it.“

„Baby, it's middle of the night and we have school tomorrow? I think we better get some sleep.“

After a short hesitation Even says -„Then I'll go out on my own“ stands up and walks out of the room.

„Even!!“ Isak shouted. But he's already heared how Even slammed the door to the apartment.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey you beautiful people!
> 
> this chapter has become a bit longer than the others, but it was important to me to keep this content in one chapter.   
> there is also a small section of Jonas' pov, which was simply necessary.
> 
> so, enjoy ♥

Isak quickly pulled up a pair of sweatpants, a sweater over his head and ran out of the door, down the stairs, on the way out.

Even was nowhere to be seen. Isak ran around excitedly and shouted Evens’ name but nothing other than silence reached him. 

_Fuck, what's next?_

He quickly got his phone out of his pans and called Chris but he didn't answer. “God, he’s not even answering his fucking phone..” Isak curses.

Isak doesn't have the number of Yousef or William. 

_Fuck Even ran outside with nothing but his boxers and—_

Isak ran back into the apartment, picked up the blanket, picked up the clothes from the floor and finally saw Evens’ phone on the floor next to Evens bed side.

He tapped Yousef's name and held the phone to his ear tremblingly. 

After half a minute there was a scratchy voice.

\- "Even? What's going on? Are you all right?"

"Yousef, it's Isak. Uh... Even's gone. I... I don't know..."

-"Isak? What do you mean he's gone?"

"I don't know if he told you, but um, we are -"

-"Yes I know, it's alright. Just tell me what happened. And try to breathe Isak, I don't understand almost anything"

"Fuck sorry, uhm... he woke me up half an hour ago and insisted on going outside? Walking around or something, but I told him that we should sleep because we have school tomorrow and because it’s middle of the night and then he just ran out. I went after him but I couldn't find him. I can't find him Yousef. I don't know what to do. I--"

-“Try to stay calm Isak. We'll figure it out, okay? I'll help you okay? I'm gonna go find him. I think I know where he is. We find him okay?"

"Okay, but um, can you let me know? Can I give you my number?"

-"Yeah, sure."

They quickly exchanged numbers and then Isak was alone again and he felt totally helpless. He sat briefly down on his bed but stood up again and ran nervous and restless through the room.

…

**YOUSEF**

Yousef: Hey Isak, I found him. He's okay. He's at his home now.

_Thank god_

Isak: Okay and do you know what happened to him?  
Yousef: I think you should ask him yourself sometime  
Isak: Okay. Thanks Yousef!! And I'm sorry I woke you up and also for these circumstances ..  
Yousef: No problem Isak. Try to get some sleep now  
Isak: Yes, you too

Isak tried to sleep, but couldn't close his eyes for a minute.

\--

Tuesday.

The next morning Isak took the earlier bus. At school he ran straight to Evens locker and decided to wait for him. 

Slowly the corridor filled up with students and Isak became more and more impatient. The first lesson began, but Even still didn't show up.

Isak stormed down the hallway and ran across the schoolyard to the nearest bus stop.

…

After he knocked on the big door twice, finally Evens father appeared.

-"Isak, hey."

"Hey! Is Even there?"

-"Don't you have school, Isak?"

"Have the first few hours off" lied Isak without batting an eyelid.

Evens father looks at him briefly - "Sorry but he’s sick."

"Ohh ok... Um, I still have his phone here" Isak put Evens phone out to Evens’ father, who took it right away.

"Could you maybe tell him that –"

-“I tell him you were here" Evens father interrupts and smiles weakly at him.

"Okay, yeah. Thanks"

Evens father nodded and closed the door in front of Isak.

…

Isak ran with tears in his eyes down the street to his apartment. 

The apartment was cold and empty and Isak felt alone. So alone. He was so confused.

**CHRIS**

Isak: When are you coming back?  
Chris: Tomorrow ;)

\--

Wednesday.

The sun was shining. That's why Isak, Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi sat on the benches in the schoolyard during the lunch break.

-"So, you and Even?” askes Mahdi.

Isak nods and looks away.

-“I find him very attractive. I can understand why you're so into him" Magnus says.

"God you can nothing" Isak mumbles and shakes his head but immediately felt guilty about letting his mood out to his friends.

Magnus blinks -"Wow okay..." 

„Sorry Magnus. Sorry .. I'm just not in a good mood.”

Magnus smiles and reaches to pat Isak on the shoulder.

-“Omg, are there waffles today in the canteen?" Mahdi askes excitedly.

Magnus' eyes shoot up and turns to Isak and Jonas - "See you later guys."

Jonas nods to Magnus and Mahdi as they stand up and walk back into the building.

"He hasn't even called yet. I don't ask for a big explanation, but fuck I just want to know what's going on. I mean... Oh, I don't know anything right now" Isak says slightly angry.

-"Isak, I think Even has a reason. I think he'll call or write when he's ready, when he gets better." 

"When he's ready? Fuck we've always been ()so() honest to each other lately and now he can't even send me a short message?! God, I wish feelings left when a person does"

Isak knew it was wrong what he said but he felt so helpless, so alone and it made him angry. He picks up his phone from his pocket and hastily types on his display.

**EVEN**

Isak: Please just tell me what's going on. I can't think of anything else but you Even. Please tell me what's going on. Did I do something wrong? Please.

 

He looked at his message and almost frightened as soon as after a few seconds an answer came.

 

Even: It's nothing.  
Isak: Don't say it's nothing when it's something.

 

No answer.

\--

-"Isak, I'm back!"

Isak quickly climbs out of his bed and walks into the hallway.

"Hey, how was it with your parents?"

-“It was good! I'm supposed to say greetings from her" smirks Chris and Isak smiles.

-“God I'm starving.”

"There's some leftovers in the kitchen."

Chris raises an eyebrow and smiles wide.

…

-“Fuck, I missed your food" says Chris while he's eating Isak's homemade pizza.

Isak watches him for a while before he clears his throat. "Um... Chris?"

\- "Mh?"

"Did you hear what happened with Even?" Isak asks seriously.

Chris looks up at him and sighs - "Yes, I did. But Isak, I won't -"

"Please! You have to help me! Do you know what's wrong with him?"

Chris keeps looking at him, right into his eyes without even blinking. 

-"Isak I'm sorry, but I'm not in the position to tell you anything. I'm sorry. Really, but I think Even should be talking to you himself, okay?"

Isak wanted to say so much about it, but didn't say anything. He just nodded, got up and started washing the dishes.

…

**LEA**

Lea: Do you want to come by Friday? A few friends are coming and yeah.. I would be really happy if you would come over.  
Isak: Anything special on Friday?  
Lea: Asshole  
Isak: 16 years old. How time flies. I'll be there. 

\--

Thursday.

Around Isak there were conversations about school, partys and the latest rumours. But he sat still and looked at his plate in front of him. He stabbed his fork in the food but never led it to his mouth. 

He raised his head to look into the laughing faces of his friends. He loved to see them so unconcerned. Happy, with no worries. Without fears in these small moments. 

Jonas smiled at him and Isak smiled back. At this moment he felt a warmth under his chest, close to his heart.

He glided his eyes through the canteen until he was caught in Chris' staring eyes.

Chris looked at him very seriously. Almost like he’s sad. Isak tried to smile at him weakly, but Chris didn’t change his expression.

…

**EVEN**

Isak: I missed you today. I miss you every day, but today especially. It nearly kills me.

\--

-"Okay Isak, let's talk."

Isak almost jumped out of his bed. "God Chris!! Please get used to knock on the door"

Chris climbed onto Isaks’ bed and sat cross-legged in front of him.

-"Look, he should be telling you himself but... I guess he doesn't want to. And I don't think it's fair to you. You need to at least know what's going on. After that you can decide for yourself what you want to do. And yes fuck, I hate to see you ()so(). It reminds me of the old days, the time with your father and... I can't see you so sad and broken again. This is gonna make me to a very very shit friend to Even but fuck. You're my friend too and I think it's right to at least tell you a few things."

Isak stared at Chris with his mouth slightly open. He didn't notice that they had collected tears in his eyes until one of them ran down his cheek and he quickly wiped it off with his sleeve.

„I .. I don’t know where I’m at. I stand with my back against the wall. I don—”

-“Isak, Even is bipolar.” Chris interrupts.

"Bipolar?" asked Isak.

-"Do you know what that means?"

"In fact, yes. Magnus' mum is bipolar and yeah, actually, I know a lot about it. Fuck, but why is he excluding me from this??“

Chris hesitated, but then replies quietly - "Isak, it is certainly embarrassing for him. It's his weak spot. And many people are reluctant to show their weaknesses in front of the people close to them. Especially in front of people who have become ()so() important to them in such a short time."

Tears gathered again in Isak's eyes. 

"I'm so stupid. I always ask too much of people. I... I should wait until he wants to tell me everything. But I'm bad at things like that. Fuck, what if he never wants to tell me about it and tries to forget me? God, I don't know what to do."

-"I know it's so stereotyped but just follow your heart Isak."

"Yeah always everyone says "Follow your heart "but if my heart is in a trillion pieces, which piece should I follow?"

…

**EVEN**

Even: I'm out on the edge, and I'm screaming my name like a fool at the top of my lungs.  
Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I pretend I'm alright, but it's never enough.

Isak: I love you with all my heart

__

Friday.

-"How's it going with Even?" Jonas asks.

"I think I'll just give him time. Even if it's fucking hard for me.. I'd love to talk to him, but his parents won't even let me in the house." Isak sighs.

-"Don't you even know what’s going on with him? So, is he really sick or angry or--"

"He's bipolar."

-"Ohh" Jonas raises his eyebrows. –“So.. bipolar. And... what are you doing now?" Jonas asks quietly and cautiously. 

“You can’t change who people are.”

-“Then what can you do?”

“You can love them” 

__

Jonas has to go to Even, so he leaves right after his last hour. He needs to talk to him. Even if it's short. 

When he stands in front of the big house he gets a little scared because he doesn't know what to expect. His knees feel weak as he climbs the stairs to the front door. 

After a knock, Even surprisingly opens the door. 

“Even, please let me in.”

Even looks motionlessly at Jonas. His eyes are empty. But finally he nods.

…

“I just want to say one thing. Don’t lose someone that’s seen your flaws and still accepts you for who you are.” Jonas says serious.

-“I’m a fucking mess Jonas.”

“Who isn’t? Isak is also a mess and right now he’s really down Even. He suffers. You know.. let me tell you, the love that we give, we rarely get back. I think the best thing you can ever experience is finding someone who wants your all. Even if your all is a mess. And Isak wants you and I think you want him too.”

__

Lea is 16 and she looks fucking beautiful. Isak is so proud of her. 

While loudly playing music and Lea's best friend, who is telling a funny story about Lea, Isak's phone vibrates and he pulls it out of his pocket without hesitation and immediately feels his heart beats faster when he reads Evens name.

**EVEN**

Even: Maybe I’m not good enough  
Isak: Yes you are  
Even: Maybe I’m not  
Isak: You are 

He stares at Evens chat for a few more seconds until he looks up, apologizes, goes away and looks for his sister.

Finally he finds her talking to a boy in the kitchen.

"Hey Lea" he reaches to her shoulder softly.

When she turns around, she smiles broadly -"Hey you, are you okay? Are you having fun?"

"Yeah but... I have to do something important. Would it be okay if I-"

She smiles at him. –“It's okay, Isak. Take care of Even"

Isak hugs her tightly and whispers "Thank you" into her hair.

…

Isak rings at Evens and his mother opens the door, looks at him tense.

-“I think this isn’t a good time Isak.”

“Please let me in” Isak says quietly.

She looks at him. Recognizes its despair. His red eyes. His tracks on the cheeks of the dried tears.

She opens the door a bit more and Isak understands immediately and runs with a small smile in the house to Evens room.

When he wants to open the door, Even opens it in front of him and looks confused. 

-“What are you doing here?”

Even looks tired. His hair's all ruffled up 

“We need to talk finally.”

…

They sit opposite each other in Evens’ bed and say nothing. After more minutes of silence, mumled Isak carefully.

“I know you're bipolar. And I know what that means. In the past I have informed myself extensively about depression and all its forms and know a lot about it. And I know you have a depressive phase right now … at the moment. And it's okay. But ... why are you pushing me away? Or, why don't you let me in? I thought we were–“ Isak voice breaks and he looks down at his crossed legs.

-“Because I’m a mess, Isak. And a lot to handle. And I don't want to talk to you in that state... I think silence is here better than bullshit.”

Now Isak looks up again and seems to be angry. 

“God Even, yeah you are a mess! I’m a mess too! Everyone's kind of a little mess. But you’re my mess! We are each others messes! And I can handle you!! All day and all night! Fuck.. I can deal with all your moods.”

Even says nothing. He just looks in Isaks green eyes and keeps silent.

“Trust me.” Isak says and strokes gently Evens cheek with his index finger.

Isak looks deeply into his eyes. But Even is still silent. 

“You don’t know how many fucking times I’ve cried for you” Isak whispers. “But also a hundred thousands of tears wouldn’t heal me when I would lose you” 

From Evens eye runs a tear and he slowly opens his mouth. -“But ...”

“I love you, Even.”

Even shakes his head slightly, as if he doesn't believe the words. 

-“At the beginning of this I told you that you shouldn’t do this. You promised me … do you remember?” Now he sobs.

“Even, I remember every single word you said. But I still love you. I want you. All of you. So, allow me this and shit on this promise. At all, why does this promise matter anyway?”

-“You told me once that you don’t want to be hurt. And I don’t want to hurt you, so I'd rather stay away. Look at you. I've already done enough shit. I‘m not good for you. And I knew that from the beginning … I'm so sorry, Isak.”

“No Even! It doesn’t hurt me that you are bipolar, but that you turn away from me. We wanted to get through all together! You said that too. So why not this?”

-“Because it’s too much”

“Fuck, when it comes to you, nothing is too much for me!” Isak almost screams.

Even looks at the ground with shining eyes. 

_God when he cries, my heart tears into small pieces. I was ready to survive anything. But not seeing his tears.._

“Even please look at me” Isak says in a trembling voice. 

Even tilts his head up finally. 

“Relationships. All relations at all … It’s not gonna be easy okay?. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work on this every day. But I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every fucking day!!”

Isak observes Even, hesitates shortly before continuing to speak. 

“You have this one life. How do you wanna spend it? Apologizing? Regretting? Questioning? Hating yourself? Be brave. Do what feels good. Take risks. You have this one life. Make yourself proud, Even. Don't do what your parents tell you. Don't do what I tell you. But also don't do what you think your illness tells you to do. Do what you want, what you feel. Please.”

Even stares at him for... Isak doesn't know how long. It feels like forever. But he's waiting. He waits until Even says something. Anything at all. He'll always wait.

-“Do you really love me?” Even asks quietly, it's almost a whisper.

“More than life itself. More than anything else.” Isak answers.

Tears roll over Evens’ cheek until Isak gently wipes they away with his fingers, which embrace Evens face. 

Isak leans forward slowly, puts his hands around the body in front of him and presses his cheek against Evens.

„Everything will be alright. Maybe not now, not today. But it's gonna be okay. And I will be here, with you.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you out there! ♥
> 
> I'm sorry to be back with a new update only now, but I had some exams and a lot of stress during the last weeks. Unfortunately life is a bit wild at the moment, but I hope you will hear from me again regularly again. :)
> 
> (Maybe it didn't even occur to many that I was gone and the reasoning is unnecessary but doesn't matter)
> 
> Now I'm here and I hope you're all doing fine ♥
> 
> \------------------------
> 
> WARNING
> 
> In this chapter there is a section in which bipolar depression is discussed again.   
> Since I don't know enough about this area, I did some research to explain better the feelings of the affected people.
> 
> I find it realistic and necessary in this story that Isak wants to know how Even feels and I don't want to miss this conversation.

It was dark. Dark and warm.

Evens back was pressed to his chest and Isak had no idea what time it was, he had lost all sense of time. He remembered how Even clutched him tightly after their discussion and from then on he never let go. From there it was only Even and him. Sitting intertwined on the bed and then lying intertwined in the bed.

Isak laid his lips on Evens warm skin and planted little kisses from the neck over to his shoulder. He rubbed his nose against his hair and breathed in deeply. He loved that smell. Evens smell. The smell of home.  
The last few days have been so bad. The emptiness weighed heavily on his chest, but when Even locked him tightly into his arms yesterday, it felt as if the heavy burden on his body had been blown away. Even if not everything was perfect and clear, it felt good. _So, so good._

When Even slowly turned around in his embrace, he looked at Isak with his tired little eyes and closed them again immediately afterwards.

-"Don't you have to go to school?” Even mumbles quietly.

"I'm not going today."

Even narrows and finally open his eyes -"But you have to go. This year is important to you. You said so yourself."

Isak sighs and smiles as he places his palm on Ewen's cheek,

"One day won't be so bad and besides, your mental health is more important than my grades." Even didn't look convinced, so Isak gently rubbed his cheek with his index finger, "Now go to sleep a little bit okay?"

Even leaned against it and finally nodded.

…

It didn't take long for Evens breathing to become calm and steady again. Isak watched him for a short time and played softly with his hair.

Eventually he got up and decided to look for something eatable.  
The house was so big that Isak was afraid not to find back to Evens room. He went down several aisles, down various stairs until he finally found the kitchen. Everything was so fucking fancy here. The walls were high, often decorated with pictures. The furniture wasn't exactly modern, rather like from another time, but still nice. 

Isak ate some fruit while taking time to explore the house a little more. It's basically where a prince could live. Such a freaking palace.

After a complete tour of the house, Isak sneaked quietly into Evens room and lay down next to him on the bed. 

-“You are here” Even whispered and opened his eyes.

“Yes I am. Is that okay?”

-“Yes.”

They looked into each other's eyes, the faces only a few centimetres apart.

„Can I kiss you?“ Isak asked quietly. 

Even leaned forward until his tip of his nose touched Isaks and then gently kissed him on the lips. 

"I missed kissing you so much" said Isak, his hand reaching up to tuck Evens hair behind his ear.

-“Me too" Even replied on which Isak smiled.

And Even smiled back.

\--

The next day Isak went back to school because he had an important exam. He promised Even that he would come back to him immediately afterwards.

It wasn't really a long day of school but for Isak it felt like forever. He wanted to be with Even. That's all that matters to him. He had to smile a little bit to himself when he thought about how he thought about Even weeks ago and how he thought about him now. Even was everything to him and Isak couldn't imagine it any differently any more.

When he slipped quietly under Evens blanket in the afternoon, Isak kissed him on his forehead and rested his head on his chest. He held onto the white shirt that Even was wearing and breathed deep in.

“Are you okay?” Isak asked quietly.

Even strokes through Isaks curls. -“I am now”

Isak clutched him tighter now, "I missed you at school."

Even gave him a long, firm kiss on the head. -„This morning it rained. I heard it through the window. I like that sound. It feels so ... peaceful. You make me feel the same way you know. The feeling of peace."

Isak looked up to him with glittering eyes and Even kissed him without hesitation. _God he loved his lips brushing over his own._

When he lay on Evens chest again, he circled small circles with his fingers on the soft skin before him. 

"You know what I've always wondered?"

-„Mh?“

„Why do we close our eyes when we kiss?”

Even spoke so quietly, Isak almost didn't hear it.

-“I think the most beautiful things in our life are not seen but felt. And that only by the heart” 

Isak didn't answer anything, but leaned up and kissed Even on the mouth. Then again. And then on his forehead, his cheek and finally back on his mouth.

\--

It got warm around Isak's heart when he saw his mother and Lea laughing together at the kitchen table. They were talking about everything and nothing and it was just so normal? Normal and uncomplicated.

-„I have to go now. I'm working the night shift." Isak's mother got up and took her bag and keys. "Take care of you, you two" she smiled and walked through the door.

Isak smiled. It should always be like this. He took a sip of his coffee, which was cold now, and looked up as he noticed that his sister was watching him.

-„ So, how's it going with Even?" she asked carefully.

Isak thought what and how to tell her everything, but then decided to bring the long story to another time. He didn't even know who is allowed to know about Ewen's illness, so he gave her the simplified answer.

„It’s good.. It’s perfect.. He is perfect.”

Lea smiles and takes Isaks hand to brush gently over his ankles. –“I'm glad Isak, I really am. I mean, the last time I saw you, you looked very worried and upset, but when I see you now... I see that you're very happy”

Isak shyly smiled and sipped at his cold coffee. The next few minutes they simply sit and enjoy the calmness between them. The silence that no longer feels tense but pleasant. 

„Lea?“

-„Mh?“

„When I was here a few weeks ago and you weren't there, I .. I saw a song in your spotify list and I don't know what it's called, but..“

Lea narrowed her eyes, gazing concentrated out of the window as Isak explained to her what the song was about. It didn't take long and Lea knew what he meant. 

„But I only listened to the first verse or so. Do you... do you feel that way?"

Lea looked at him seriously, but finally smiled - "For a long time, yes. But not anymore." 

„Are you sure?“ Isak whispered.

-"Absolutely sure." Lea answered and stood up. "You have to go now, I'm getting a visit from my own Even.”

Isak laughed "Oh yeah? When were you gonna tell me about this?"

Lea giggled and walked to the front door with Isak. They hugged each other and Isak ran down the stairs as Lea called out to him -"Listen to the last verse of the song, Isak" He looked back and straight into the smiling face he had missed for so long.

...

When he was sitting in the bus to Evens house, he picked out his earplugs and immediately opened spotify on his phone. He typed the song's title, pressed play and looked out of the window while listening to it.

When the last verse came, he concentrated on the lyrics in particular.

_And over the years though the pain was real  
She finally forgave him and started to heal  
How close is the ending, well, nobody knows  
The future's a mystery and anything goes  
Love is confusing and life is hard  
You fight to survive 'cause you made it this far  
It's all too astounding to comprehend  
It's just the beginning this isn't the end  
It's just the beginning this isn't the end_

Isak had tears in his eyes. Like the last time he heard that song. Only this time it was tears of joy.

\--

Even though Even was still in bed, he looked much more alive today. He was beaming when Isak entered his room and went to bed with him. He played with Isak's hair, slipped his curls through his fingers and Isak curling into his side and burried his face into Evens chest.

„Even can I ask you a question..." Isak asked and felt Even nodding.

"How does it feel...? I mean being manic and then suddenly depressed. I know what it is, but- I mean.... How do you feel during this?"

Even started stroking Isak's cheek with his thumb.

-„There are these two sides. Once this really great condition. I feel wonderful, euphoric, in a frenzy. However, often this does not last for a short period of time, but sometimes for days or even weeks. I have so much energy in this time, I don't need much sleep, I have so many ideas and unfortunately it feels very good... That's the mean thing. That it feels really good in this state. You live in a completely different world, but when you wake up from this world, you can already see what has happened. Then the depression comes... I can hardly get out of bed here. I feel guilty all the time. Sometimes I'm just ... empty. I can't be happy, I can’t be angry. It's like I'm sitting in a black hole. The whole body suffers. It's not that only the head suffers. It all hurts like someone's trying to rip my chest from the inside out. The bad thing is, I never know when the phase ends. I know I have to hang on somehow... that I can't give up..."

Isak looked up at him. "What do you mean by giving up?" he asked quietly.

-„To end my life." Even whispered and more and more tears are gathering in Isaks eyes.

„Were you... were you ever close to..”

Even looked in Isak's eyes for eternity until he quietly admits -"Yes, I was Isak."

Isak was petrified. He couldn't move, not one millimeter. Tears flowed over his cheeks, over Evens fingers, which were still resting on Isak's face.

Neither of them wiped away their tears. They just looked at each other.

As Isak slowly raised his hand, he grabbed Evens shirt and pulled him closer to himself. 

„I‘m so sorry.“ he said quietly.

-„It’s okay. It’s just a lot. And maybe it’s too much for you to deal with this so often. Maybe it’s too ha—“

„No“, said Isak harshly. „I’m strong. And I’ll be strong for you. I’ll choose you. And I’ll keep choosing you. Without a doubt”

Even smiles weakly at him and leans in to kiss Isaks nose. –“You are strong.”

Isak holds Even face with both hands and whispers quietly “We are strong”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little bit smut.
> 
> ♥

The next week Even came back to school and Isak was more than happy about it. 

When Even and Yousef walked into the Cafetaria, Isak wanted to run and jump on him.

They went to their table and sat down on the two empty chairs beside Isak. Everyone was already sitting, including Chris and William.

Isak didn't know exactly when they all started to sit together in their schoolbreak, but it was more than good to have Even closer to him in the future.

Even nodded to him with a smile and laid his palm flat on Isak's thigh.

Isak hesitated for a moment, but then leaned forward to give Even a kiss on the mouth.

He didn't know if he was okay to show their friends their relationship so openly. But when Even gave him another two small pecks on his mouth he was sure that Even enjoyed it just as much as he did.

-„So boys, this friday party at William's.“ Chris said.

Magnus clapped his hands together. –„How cool!!“

William gave him a thumb upstairs and nodded.

-„Uh, can we bring some people with us?" Jonas asked.

-„Yeah right, the girls!“ Magnus added and William just shrugs. –“Sure.”

Even leaned over to Isak to whisper in his ear.

-„Do you wanna join this party too?”

Isak grinned. “Will you also be there?”

“Sure.” Even answered.

“Then I will be there too.” Isak smiled and leaned in to kiss Even quick on his lips.

They ate their lunch and after half an hour everybody had to go back to their classes.

Isak clung to Even as they ran out of the cafeteria.

„Do you come with me to mine after school?” he asked.

Even smiled.

–“You can count on that.“ He said and winked at him.

\--

When they were only a few meters away from the apartment, Isak noticed that he was not the only one who was restless. Their steps became more hasty, their intertwined hands more sweaty.

The door closed behind them and immediately they undressed at the same time their jackets and shoes.

Isak was right, Even had the same thing in mind, because a few seconds later Even pushed him hard against the wall and kissed him hungry. 

Isak moaned in Even's mouth and after further chaotic, wet kisses he gently placed his hand on Even's chest to push him away from him a little bit and to get some air.

-„God, I want you so much. The last few hours I couldn't think of anything else." Even gasped against Isak's lips.

Isak grabbed Evens hair to push his lips hard against his own while Even held his hands under Isak's thigh and then lifted him up with one swing.

Isak clutched his hips firmly with his legs while Even carried them towards the bedroom and finally placed Isak gently on the bed. 

Isak immediately missed Evens warmth and impatiently reached out his hands to him.

Even smiled, interwined their hands and climbed onto the bed over Isak.

Isak tried to undo his belt and Even giggled at it.

-„Isak, Isak, wait a moment. Let me do this.”

Even took his hands, pulled them to his mouth to kiss them and then tugged at his pants.

Both knew that their approach only delayed the whole thing even more and that's why Even jumped from the bed to quickly rip all his clothes off while Isak did the same on the bed.

When Even hovered over Isak again, he kissed along his collarbone, and Isak immediately began to moan and his hand wandered in Even's hair.

-„You think Chris is home?" Even mumbled.

„Don’t know, don’t think so” Isak moaned and pulled tightly on a strand of hair as Even sucked on his neck.

-„Perfect, then we can be as loud as we want.“ Even said.

„I’m not that loud.“ Isak said between Evens wet kisses on his neck.

Even leaned back and raised his eyebrows.

„What?“ Isak asked confused.

Even didn’t answered and just smiled.

-“Nothing.”

They kissed their mouths again and became more impatient and shakier with each further one.

-„Isak .. do you want … I mean, should we switch?” Even asked and looked finally curious at his boyfriend.

“Really? Do you want to?” Isak carefully whispered.

-“I would _love_ to.” Even answered and smiled at him.

They changed their positions so quickly that they hit their heads slightly together, which made Isak giggle.

But when Even lay flat with his back underneath him on the bed, his facial expressions became more serious.

„You are indescribably beautiful, Even Bech Naesheim.”

Even pulled him down so that their faces were so close that they felt their breathing on their skin.

-„Make me feel good.” Even whispered against his lips.

Isak smiled at him.

“I will. I promise.”

Even clasped Isak's hips with his legs, moving his hands into Isaks curls and kissed him deeply.

“Put your legs up, baby. Put it on my shoulders.“ Isak said. 

When Even obeyed his command, Isak sticked one finger into his mouth, let his tounge swirl around it and brushed then over Evens sensitive skin between his legs.

-“Fuck, Isak” Even panted when Isak pushed his finger in, moving gently and slowly.

Isak kissed his way down to Evens dick and licked hungrily over the wet tip, while his second finger pushed in.

-“Fuck, fuck, oh my god” Even hissed. “Isak, this is— fuck.” He moaned, arching his back.

“You feel so damn good, Even. You take my fingers so good.” Isak whispered into Evens neck.

-“Please, push a third finger into me, I can take it” Even groaned. -“God fuck, I could just come like this.” 

Isak pulled his finger carefully out and kissed Even deeply on the mouth. “You sure?” he mumbled against Evens lips and sucked tightly on the soft skin.

Even moaned, his hand wandered all over Isaks body. 

-“Please” Even begged and spread his legs a little more.

Isak grabbed a condom out of his nighttable, carefully dragged it over his dick and finally pushed into Even.

They groaned each other in the mouth and tried to manage their breaths.

-„Move please, I’m ready I sw— fuckk” Even screamd when Isak started to push his hips hard against Even again and again, without a break.

„Fuck Even, this is so good” Isak panted.

-“Isak, I don't think I can long...“ Even mumbled.

„Yeah, me neither“ Isak moaned and buried his dick deep into Even.

Even grabbed Isaks dick and jerked him off, that they can come in synch.

Isak didn’t protest, so Even moved his hand faster and finally came all over his stomach when Isak pushed deep into him and screamed loudly his name.

He rested his head on Evens shoulder, catched his breath.

…

When they cleaned them up, Even hugged Isak to his still hot body and covered them with the duvet.

-“This was amazing, baby.” Even said in Isaks hair, when Isak melted into his chest.

“I was afraid to hurt you.” He mumbled and Even kissed his forehead.

-“You didn't, you never would've.“

“In any case, not intentionally“ Isak whispered and Even turned to his face and kissed him on the mouth.

-“I love you, Isak Valtersen.”


End file.
